STUDIO: Magnolia Home Entertainment
MSRP: $26.98
RUNNING TIME: 86 minutes
• “Behind the Scenes”

• Interviews

• Photo Gallery

• Return to Sleepaway Camp Song, performed by Goat and Friends

The Pitch

You’re going to get murdered at camp.

The Humans

Vincent Pastore, Jackie Tohn, Isaac Hayes, Paul DeAngelo and Jonathan Tiersten

The Nutshell

Camp Manabe is back in business. Sure, there was that unfortunate business back in 1983. But, who the hell remembers a transgender murderer that stalked the camp? That was twenty-five years ago and there’s money to be made. So, let’s return to camp.

Aging Pussy.

The Lowdown

Return to Sleepaway Camp
would be a successful return to form. But, nobody bothers to tell the filmmakers that we need something to see. The violence and sex of old is long gone, as we get a toned down return to camp. Angela returns as our favorite camper that hates all naughty things. Yet, we don’t see anything that bad. Well, there’s Isaac Hayes’s acting.

One pick closer to Scanners.

Return to Sleepaway Camp follows the rule that you should never return to past successes. Sure, the humor of the kills are there. But, there’s nothing else. The camp counselors and Z-Grade star cameos are boring. Then, there’s the kids. Seriously, fuck all teen actors in these low-grade horror romps.

They couldn’t die fast enough for me.

I don’t get the love for a lot of these horror franchises. Especially for ones that did jackshit to earn your trust and respect. Yet, people keep pumping dollar after dollar into the nostalgia train, as they hope for a turd to be polished anew. That isn’t happening here, so I recommend sticking with the original film. You don’t need this flick to give you closure.

Harvey Keitel’s stunt double has fallen on hard times.

Return to Sleepaway Camp  is
a movie that should’ve been able to connect to its audience. After watching the three previous films, there’s not that hard of a modus to follow. Kids like to fuck, a killer likes to kill and a wacky ending to wrap it up. What this film fails to do is to moderate itself. Everytime you turn around, the creative staff keeps slipping in extra dialogue for people who can barely remember their lines. Then, there’s the dialogue itself.

The only way Heroes can end.

I don’t care about the secret thoughts of young people in horror films. I just want to see them gutted. When filmmakers think that they can exploit the special nature of horror for personal discovery, they fuck themselves. More importantly, they fuck you. So, don’t pay for this shit.

The Package

has a pretty strong transfer with no audio dropout. The special
features don’t do a thing to win you over to this film. Everyone’s a little too self-congratulatory. Hell, the only fun supplemental is the movie theme song. But, that’s only going to entertain for two viewings maximum.

2.0 out of 10