It’s the holidays and we’re feeling it even here in the Sewer. This year we’re taking stock of the many gifts we’ve gotten from the movies over the years and celebrating them in the form of a Christmas carol. In our own special way.

While the traditional 12 Days of Christmas counts up from one, we think it’s more fun to count down between now and the big day (and yeah, we built in some slack for ourselves). So sit back and get ready for some great moments from some great CHUD favorites, and some possible holiday gift ideas while we’re at it.

On the second day til Christmas my true CHUD sent to me…

Two Bitches Leaving



Satire and lessons about power and corruptibility always go down easier when they’re coated with a thick layer of sex and gore. Enter: Paul Verhoeven and, for today, Robocop. Verhoeven went easy on the sex, but (in addition to that flirty technician) we do get a delicious little moment between Miguel Ferrer and two women dressed in shiny outfits and cocaine. (Diane Robin and Adrienne Sachs? I’m away for the holiday without my DVD, so I can’t be positive.)

Douche supreme Bob Morton (the note-perfect Miguel Ferrer) is celebrating his rise at OCP with a couple of willing ladies when Clarence Boddicker busts in to lay down a little justice courtesy of Dick Jones. You don’t need me to tell you that as Boddicker, Kurtwood Smith gets most of the movie’s best lines. (“Can you fly, Bobby?”) But his insistent, intimidating “bitches leave!” while pushing into Bob’s home is one of the funniest, scariest and most memorable bits in a movie that’s packed with dozens of rival moments.

And when most action movie hookers would be given, at best, a chance to wiggle their ass while running out the door, trying to elevate panties from knees to ass, Verhoeven gives the butchy blond girl a line as she exits. “You gonna call me?” Which is when the thunderbolt hits — this may not be just a whore! God, there could have been -choke!- a relationship in the offing! And we’re about to watch Bob’s half of the equation be snuffed out. It’s so touching. And then Miguel Ferrer’s knees explode.

I’m excited to see what Darren Aronofsky would do with this fictional world, if he actually chooses to do so. (For which I’m not really getting my hopes up, seeing how guarded he’s been while discussing it lately.) But even though I love the idea of an Aronofsky Robocop, I don’t expect to see many moments like this in his version, and that would be a small sort of sadness.

I’m still stuck with the old Criterion DVD of this film, and watching it the other day I realized how bad the picture quality really is. You could be kind to your friends with the new Blu-Ray edition, which I pray has a transfer worthy of the film, or be safe and go with the regular anniversary edition DVD from last year. There’s also the vintage figure from Robocop and the Ultra Police (I still have this in a box somewhere, complete with caps, I think) and the cute Japanese version of ED209.