STUDIO: Allumination
MSRP: $29.99
RUNNING TIME: 115 minutes
Audio Commentary with Director and Writer

Additional Scenes

Behind the Scenes clips

The Pitch

Four jerk-offs go to a rave in the Desert.

The Humans

Eric Christian Olsen, Dash Mihok and Rider Strong

The Nutshell

I was about thirty minutes into Death Valley when I realized that Allumination Films took a shit on me again. I’ve seen enough road trips that turn into hillbilly horror to know what to expect. But, Allumination said fuck it. They don’t have the cash or patience to put up with even rehashing old stories. They wiped their shit stained dick under your nose and smiled. This film is their Dirty Sanchez to you.

There are Talkbackers in real life too.

The Lowdown

Death Valley is a film that centers around a special road trip. Four friends leave the city to attend a rave in the desert. They get stoned, piss on things and meet a hot bitch. It’s the kind of material that pollutes the dreams of fourteen year old boys. What comes next is a junior college production of The Hills Have Eyes. Mind you that a retard production of a Craven cult classic would gleam more intellectual material than this offering. But, what about the film?

Boy Meets World loves floating in mid-air.

Death Valley wasn’t ever going to be good. You don’t spend a fifteen bucks on a production and shoot it over a weekend. If you do, it had better be porn. The main cast of this film don’t do anything over the next hour and a half to illicit any real emotion. You watch them go through danger after danger only to yawn.

By the time I finished the film, I was angry. I’ve seen a lot of shit movies, but this film was so brazen in its horrible craftsmanship. I could list the movies that this film apes, but that would take longer than I wish to spend reviewing this film. What I’m going to do is take a stand. If you people stop seeing this shit movies when you’re intoxicated, they will lose an audience. No audience means that these films will only exist in the demented minds of the halfwits that dream them up.

Fuck it, I’m too pissed about this movie to give a fuck about a caption.

Death Valley gets nothing right. It wants to be a scary road trip that takes you through a rollicking landscape. In reality, it’s a DTV waste of time. It is everything that you avoid on the Sci-Fi channel. It is the bad idea that your Film School buddy won’t fucking give up.

Mad Libs time: Make Your Own Caption.

the world were to end tomorrow, nobody would defend this film. There wouldn’t be a single party affiliated with this motion picture that would defend its existence. They might as well have filmed the pay stub for the day players over the ninety some odd minutes that this motion picture occupies. You would have found more moving drama in watching that paper mold.

The Package

DVD has a pretty average transfer with decent audio value. The special features offer nothing impressive. So, there are the deleted scenes and featurettes to watch. You will finish them in thirty minutes. Honestly, fuck it. Don’t waste your time.

0.8 out of 10