One of the great discussion topics amongst journalists in Hollywood today is ‘What the fuck is wrong with Fox?’ The studio has been churning out shit for about two years solid, with not much hope for better product in the future. And just when you thought they had essentially hit the basement, you read that the powers that be on the lot have optioned a book written by a nine year old.

And it’s not even some kind of Eragon-esque fantasy by a nine year old. It’s a 46 page self help book by some snotty fourth grader named Alex Greven. According to the Hollywood Reporter:

Greven, who attends school in Castle Rock, Colorado, wrote “Girls”
as a handwritten, $3 pamphlet sold at his school book fair; he
wrote it after he noticed his peers were having some trouble
talking to the ladies, though the book is geared for all ages.
Among this advice: Comb your hair and don’t wear sweats; control
your hyperness and cut down on sugar if necessary; a crush is like
a love disease that can drive you mad; it is easy to spot pretty
girls because they have big earrings, fancy dresses and all the
jewelry but are like cars that need a lot of oil.


If this kid lived in Castle Rock, Maine, I’d at least have the hope that something would eat him soon.

The movie is almost surely going to be an adaptation of Greven as opposed to the book, although a how-to date girls educational film hosted by the Look Around You guys would be an amazing motion picture. We’ll see where cutie patootie Greven got his ideas for the book (maybe from his handsome, kindly, but sadly single dad, played by Vince Vaughn?) and what happened when he brought it to school and got attention (maybe from cute, sadly single teacher Amy Adams?).

Meanwhile, many of you are grown ass adults sitting on books and screenplays that are going nowhere. Go back to your spec sequel to Q: The Winged Serpent, R: The Opposable Thumbed Gibbon, and add yet another tear to the many stains on the cover page.