There
are certain taboos that few filmmakers will breach. Killing kids is one
of them. That’s why a good child murder remains one of the moments in
any movie that will shock even the most jaded connoisseur of extreme
exploitation.

Some of you reading this will believe that kid
kills are beyond the pale, but remember – this is just acting and
make-up. This list is the best fictional kid kills – you won’t see the Twilight Zone movie
on this list. Adjust your outrage-meters accordingly and settle in for
ten of the best minor murders ever committed to celluloid.



Final Destination 2 (2003)

Totaled Tot: Tim Carpenter
Kiddie Killer: An ornithophobic crane operator
Minor Murder Method: One dropped pane of glass

This scene epitomizes the ultimate in both sleight of hand and foreshadowing. After a group of people survive one of cinema’s greatest car pileups, Death is pissed at a new group of kids in this sequel to the Twilight Zone ripoff (you know- Twenty Two, the “Room for one more, honey” episode).

The youngest survivor, Tim, ignores the warnings of his peers and is taken by his mother to the dentist, which is usually the place people go to feel safe. We are made to feel worried for Young Tim throughout the entire procedure. Along with the loud construction going on outside, he survives nitrous gas, a water leak near a power outlet, pigeons smashing into the windows, sharp dentist tools wielded by a distracted dentist, and a deadly fish mobile that drops in his mouth and threatens to choke him. The scene builds and builds to an enormous crescendo before- nothing happens.

Nothing.

As Tim walks outside with his mom, his friends come running up screaming “PIGEONS! PIGEONS!” Mistaking their warnings once again he runs into a nearby crowd of the flying rats, kicking and giggling like a mongoloid confronted with a clown. They scatter and distract a nearby crane operator who accidentally hits his controls and oops, releases a huge pane of glass that’s hanging a few stories above the kid’s head. Tim looks up in time to see it coming…



..right before he is squashed flat…



…flatter…



…flattest.




It’s glorious and just indicitive of how much of a great guilty pleasure the entire movie is.





The Beyond (1981)
 
Totalled Tots: Jill
Kiddie Killer: David Warbeck
Minor Murder Weapon: A barrel-reloaded revolver

It’s interesting to note that this Lucio Fulci zombie movie classic doesn’t even have zombies show up till about an hour and fifteen minutes into it.

During the ending scene in the hospital (a short but amazing zombie scene that for my money still has yet to be surpassed) our heroes John (David Warbeck) and Liza (Catriona MacColl) run from zombies and stumble across Jill, a redheaded brat hiding out in the morgue. The kid hasn’t been having a good week- her dad recently died and while his corpse rotted in that same exact room she got to watch her mother’s face get slowly melted away by acid in a bizarre accident. Her eyes are white and crazy but no one notices in the hustle to safety.

They take her along but get backtracked to the morgue, always a smart place to be when the dead are rising. John is busy shooting at an apparently unstoppable zombie while Liza and Jill stand back cowering in terror, until Liza gets attacked… by little Jill, who’s turned into a white-eyed zombie. John looks over and sees it happen, and without a millisecond of hesitation blasts a bullet right through Jill’s young, pasty head- obliterating her skull and sending her little pigtailed head whipping back and forth, sloshing blood all over the place.





It’s a shocking and violent moment that proves two things- kids are more trouble than they’re worth, and they don’t make men like David Warbeck anymore.