What

follows is a scattershot bit of random thoughts, links, and images that

showcase the lunacy that exists in the entertainment world and beyond.

Folks who remember my old missives from the old Steady Leak articles

should find this kind of stuff familiar. Folks seemed to get a kick out

of the first installment, and each Wednesday should fall victim to

another installment. Don’t expect anything deep here but something may

tickle your fancy.

ASSORTED DUMB SHIT


1. Acura’s New Model, The 25L Rednek-G.



Photo by Nick Nunziata.


If you can afford an Acura you can afford muffler repairs. Even in this economy. Unless you’re Charles M. Loudness himself, and then please accept my apology. We wouldn’t want you barking around town in your sweet ride sending your signature concussive sonic booms with anything less than a shit-bad muff.




2. If I had not just bought one-third of Arbor Day…



Photo by Nick Nunziata.



Not Halloween ITEMS. Halloween. If I had more cash on me I’d have bought the whole fucking thing and laughed as you and your kids walked around looking dumb asking for candy that wasn’t there. Trick or go fuck yourself. Also, the International symbol for Halloween is apparently a flounder doing a handstand with a bullet hole in his torso. Sadness.







3. Curb Your Dawg.



Photo by Nick Nunziata.


“I love the Georgia Bulldogs SO MUCH! More than you Susanne, and much more than the kids!”


“I know, Dave. I know because I have to travel through red, white, and black thermal underwear to get to your regional prize.”



“Just make sure not to do it on a Saturday! I’ll be tailgating, if you know what I mean…”


“I have a lifetime supply of Astroglide.”



“What more is there I can do to profess my love for this football team? Something that not only I can enjoy, but chipmunks, insects, and Edward Norton’s racism victims?”


“Oh, by the way, the neighborhood committee ruled that we need to more vividly mark our address. It seems the Mastersons accidentally got some of our mail last October.”



“EUREKA!”




4. Such a better read than Pretty Great Gay Sex.


Photo by Nick Nunziata.


Because, why go for anything less than this for your gay sex literature needs? Luckily, I kept my receipts for Gay Sex for Dummies, The Bruce and Jeff Bible, Spectacular Gay Sex, The Untold Tales of Gay Sex, Gay Sex vs. The Avengers, and The Penultimate Gay Sex.





5. Not the Bunn Wipes I needed.


Photo by Nick Nunziata.

This shit works! I had Pam Grier over for some wet push-ups and there’s nary a trace she ever stopped by.





6. Emaciated Scarfboy seeks SW Twilight F for Dinner NEVERMORE.



Photo by Nick Nunziata.


There is no instance in modern society where a boy should have a scarf on in 75-degree weather unless his name is Chamber or if it’s a tourniquet that is preventing VicMorrowism. Also, eat something. SCARF UP YOUR FOOD. Also, don’t listen to whatever music you listen to. The Kicker: His girlfriend showed up a few minutes later in a Twilight t-shirt. There’s already no God, but now I’m pretty sure there’s at least 11 Satans.





7. Wursty!



Photo by Nick Nunziata.


“Honey, remember how cute you think it is when I say that I’m fursty instead of thirsty?”


“It’s cute, but don’t get a vanity plate for it or anything.”



“Remember the time I waited in line on Black Friday and I sent you a page that read “fursty!”?


“That was the year you got the Tickle-Me Elmo. That was great but don’t take that shit to the next level with a vanity plate or anything stupid like that.”



“Remember that time my name became Fursty Sanderson-Fursty when we married?”


“Yep, but whatever you do…”




8. Bjorn Morgue.


Photo by Nick Nunziata.


I went to see Ace of Base in their home arena last week.



9. I go to the Bahamas to wash my balls.



Photo by Nick Nunziata.


They are very specific about hygiene in the Bahamas.



10. “I’ve come to take your life… ooooooooh is that Louis Vuitton!”



Photo by Nick Nunziata.


Buy one Flaming Grim Reaper, get one Ultimate Gay Sex for half price.




11. No wonder my car handles jittery.



Photo by Nick Nunziata.


The gas shortage is one thing but this is ridiculous.






By the way:



























“I dressed as a clown for Thanksgiving!”




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