My gods, I expected Gods of Egypt to be enjoyably stupid-looking, but this transcends all my expectations. This is astoundingly bad. This makes John Carter look like Lawrence of Arabia. I can’t even properly catalog all the unbelievable stuff in this trailer. Let’s put aside the fact that all the actors in this look miserable and that the entire film looks like an eight year-old took their Crayola box to a green screen. I want to focus on just a few of the ridiculous things I managed to catch in this trailer.

  • Gods appear as humans, but when they feel like throwing down they transform into BeetleBorg versions of themselves. These look about as good as the CGI monsters from Mighty Morphin’ Power Rangers: The Movie. For reference:


  • Giant scarabs are pulling a chariot. Fellow CHUD contributor Shannon Hubbell has already declared himself #TeamScarabChariot.
  • People are riding enormous snake monsters that look ripped out of a cancelled God of War game.
  • A giant smoke cloud that turns into a vagina dentata descends onto Egypt.

There’s probably more going on that I didn’t catch, but I’m stuck at work and can’t properly admire this testament to the spiraling career of director Alex Proyas. Please illuminate me in the comments below. We need to revel in this affront to cinema as much as we can.

Gods of Egypt makes us respect Jupiter Ascending a whole lot more on February 26.

A sincere thanks to all the scoopers who sent this in. You livened up my horrendous workday.

For more news, you can follow me on Twitter @DrewDietsch