STUDIO: Touchstone / Buena Vista Home Entertainment
MSRP: $39.99
RUNNING TIME: 559 minutes

Audio Commentary
Extended Pilot Episode


The Pitch

Lawyer has holy tumor visions.

The Humans

Jonny Lee Miller, Victor Garber, James Saito, Loretta Devine and Natasha Henstridge

The Nutshell

Eli Stone was a yuppie badass who was on his way to marrying his boss’s daughter. The problem is that he starts seeing George Michael everywhere. After one particular bathroom vision, Eli consults a physician. Poor Mr. Stone has a tumor/aneurysm that is going to kill the poor bastard. So, it’s up to Stone to change his ways. But, things turn wacky when an Asian acupuncturist tells him that he might be a prophet of a New Age.

Wheels meets Tumor Guy in a very special episode.

The Lowdown

ABC needs a hit that isn’t Lost or Ugly Betty. While Eli Stone has found an audience, it found an audience in the same way that informercials find audiences late at night. Someone forgot to change the channel or turn off the television. I’m not calling it a bad show. It’s just that nothing really happens on the show. Main character turns a new life and helps someone. Someone sings and special guest star appears.

Bitch want cock-toast.

The show suffers from a lot of claptraps. As stated above, the formulaic approach to the show kills it. The George Michael singing was fun once, but it becomes too much after the second time. The dragon attacks, the bi-plane illusion and everything else is overload between scenes of nothing. In the season finale, the creators seemed to have recognized this and tried to get the main McGuffin removed. But, that spun off into new problems that are being addressed in the new Katie Holmes enriched Season 2.

Oceanic Airlines promises to complete one out of every four flights to Hawaii.

Jonny Lee Miller is a great C-List actor. He carries the role of Eli Stone with about as much grace as should be expected for a midseason replacement. The show falters upon the lacking strength of his co-stars. Nobody is a solid character actor on this show. They are strictly filler material thrown into the mix, so that Miller has someone to play off. I don’t know of anyone who is a fan of this approach. After twelve to fourteen episodes, I found the Eli Stone model to be rather tiring. Had the characters advanced since the pilot? Did I care?

Eli Stone is a show that appears to have been created with great intent. But, intent doesn’t make for a successful production. What it creates is a project that never quite hits the mark. That’s frustrating, especially in the current Television renaissance. The little box that could wants to be taken as seriously as its silver screen better. But, making the television equivalent of a bad novel isn’t going to do the trick.

Species about to pop a titty out or one of those little Alien mouths out of her head.

The Package

Eli Stone – The Complete First Season comes
with a standard Buena Vista TV on DVD release. The episodes are scrunched onto four discs rather haphazardly. The A/V Quality isn’t that impacted, as there is very little digital noise. The special features are strictly EPK material that offers up platitudes about how this show is going to be the greatest thing ever. What it doesn’t offer is much commentary about the genesis of the project. But, by the end of the set…I really couldn’t be bothered to find out. It’s a mediocre offering that’s best to find a home in the Phantom Zone that is your TIVO harddrive.

Hackers was a long time ago, bitches.

5.3 out of 10