STUDIO: Lions Gate
MSRP: $14.99
RATED: Not rated
RUNNING TIME: 187 minutes
Kimora: Life in the Fab Lane Sexrets
• Bonus segments

The Pitch

Russell Simmons’ ex-wife has a reality show.  Whoopee.

The Humans

Kimora Lee Simmons, Russell Simmons, their kids, and anybody unfortunate enough to work for her.

The Nutshell

Kimora Lee Simmons, the ex-wife of hip hop mogul, Russell Simmons, former model, designer and CEO of Baby Phat clothing, mother of two and spoiled, neurotic, power-tripping nutbag, has gotten herself a reality show.

The Lowdown

It’s not a surprise to me that Kimora Lee Simmons, who’s been several things in her life, most of them involving people catering to her every need, is on reality TV.  Hell, nothing in that arena surprises me anymore.  Not Britney and K-Fed having a show, not Scott Baio having a show, not Hulk Hogan having a show.  That’s the nature of the beast for Reality TV: either it’s somebody who used to be famous, somebody who’s famous via somebody else, or somebody who is dying to be famous.  Regardless, it’s usually someone of immensely annoying or wrist-slash-inducing stupidity.  Kimora fits right in.

Spoiled.  Former model with entitlement issues.  Egomaniac.  Pushy, grabby…diva.  Diva.  Oh yes, that is absolutely it, man.  Diva.  In every sense of the world.  She surrounds herself with yes-people and every single damn thing is about her ridiculous needs.  Or her kids’ ridiculous needs (god bless these kids, but they’re almost guaranteed to wind up even worse).  Kimora’s exotically beautiful, yes (Afro-Asian).  I can imagine why Russell Simmons married her…and I can even more so imagine why he divorced her. 

There’s seven episodes in Season 1, with Kimora dealing with everything from yelling at her assistant to put together an ad campaign, to barking at her realtor to find a new multi-million-dollar house in just days.  Also, getting the right dress that her designer (gad!) already picked out for someone else to wear, to getting her kids into modeling for Baby Phat and even designing their own lines, to just barking orders to anyone within earshot.  Kimora is bucking for shallowest, most vacuous and pushy broad ever on TV.  She has my vote.  Reality TV is about larger than life personalities, and Kimora definitely fills the bill.  Holy damn, this show is unwatchable.

The Package

There are seven episodes that range in picture quality from good to occasionally grainy, and they’re shot on TV standard, which always sucks.  Sound is fine in Dolby, so the yelling comes through just fine.  There are only a couple of special features.  Kimora: Life in the Fab Lane Secrets is a 20-minute piece spotlighting Kimora’s origins, careers, life and the show; pretty boilerplate stuff.  There are also six bonus segments from the show that run a couple of minutes each.  There’s also trailers for other soulless reality dregs on TV.  Many of which I’ll be covering as well.

2.5 out of 10