What

follows is a scattershot bit of random thoughts, links, and images that

showcase the lunacy that exists in the entertainment world and beyond.

Folks who remember my old missives from the old Steady Leak articles

should find this kind of stuff familiar. Folks seemed to get a kick out

of the first installment, and each Wednesday should fall victim to

another installment. Don’t expect anything deep here but something may

tickle your fancy.

ASSORTED DUMB SHIT


1. Because I Don’t Like Enjoying the Earth!



Photo by Eric Calkins.


I’m already biased against Nintendo in life (though I love my DS and find my Wii to be a cute… toy) but any marketing team that allows a product, golf game or not, to be called a “Hole in Fun” ought to be rectally reprimanded by discovering the true meaning of their slogan. Plus, “Get ready for a hole in fun” was already the failed campaign for Nabisco’s Derriere Bites, El DeBarge’s sophomore album, and Garth Franklin’s address book.




2. Hurry Up Slow Down Stopping Moving!



Photo by John Makarewicz.



It’s a shame someone knocked down the Drive Forever and Please Never Stop Stopping signs.






3. “I Hungerrrrr.”



Photo by John Makarewicz.


“Hello, I am a nubile woman and I couldn’t help masturbating to your custom license plate.”



“Of course you couldn’t, speaks Sinistr.”


“Now that my heat is in dry storage, tell me when you first fell in love with
the crystal devouring gigantic space face…”


“Wha?”



“Your license plate is a reference to the amazing 80’s arcade game Sinistar, yes?”


“Babe, no. I’m the guy who does B&W noir takes on
Warren Beatty/Dustin Hoffman movies and business is booming.”



“Pardon me, I have to go and retrace my wet moments.”




4. “Drive up to my behind and tap me gently!”


Photo by John Makarewicz.


Everyone in Baldwin County quakes in fear when the dreaded Kupcake is on the roads. He’s like The Wraith, except covered in the ejaculate of dozens of sad-faced Japanese.





5. Where’s all the bloody ass-kicking Mel Gibson told me about?


Photo by Eric Calkins.


I’ll never forget the first time I discovered that lambs enjoyed apples, the 70’s afro was perfected in 27 A.D., Jesus got hit with a serious Amy Brenneman hair day, and that mommy birds like to show their kids THE ASS
.





6. “I do sir… I do.”



Photo by Eric Calkins.


I got all the tools I need, bitch
.




7. No, he DID dress up for the photo!



Photo by Jennifer Raite.


I lose sleep at night wondering what a ‘Truck Driving Championship’ looks like. I lose more sleep thinking that there are separate ones for each state. I lose even more sleep knowing that anyone would choose Iowa for anything. I hear it lost the “Best Iowa” competition even. I lose more sleep thinking that this assuredly docile man cleaned up his look for this photo opportunity, going as far as to feign bafflement instead of repeating the “cheese imperative” [which is a great name for a band]. But what if the bafflement is legitimate? I find myself desiring sleep knowing that DrugTown has its own motor pool. Fuck sleep in the mouth who am I kidding, CONGRATULATIONS JIM!





8. The Supreme Being loves used cars.


Photo by Jennifer Raite.


The owner is pretty sure it’s either God or his neighbor, Francesco Slaw who’s been calling him friend.




9. IWITBETTERCARTHANU.



Photo by Jennifer Raite.


“Whouwit? Heleavhis$$inplainsightwitdooropun?”



10. Whatever it takes to beat the Republicans.



Photo by Eileen Bolender.


My buttfuck dollars at work!




11. Come see me!



Photo by Justin Waddell.


He also enjoys jazz.





12. There’s no excuse for this gentleman.



Photo by Jake McCarty.


Do me a solid and leave death adders in this gentleman’s morning foods.





By the way:



























“Sometimes Father lets me not flush my makes until tomorrow!”




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