What

follows is a scattershot bit of random thoughts, links, and images that

showcase the lunacy that exists in the entertainment world and beyond.

Folks who remember my old missives from the old Steady Leak articles

should find this kind of stuff familiar. Folks seemed to get a kick out

of the first installment, and each Wednesday should fall victim to

another installment. Don’t expect anything deep here but something may

tickle your fancy.

ASSORTED DUMB SHIT


1. Your One Stop Shop For Useless.



Photo by Nick Nunziata.


I was pulling out of Paperclip Warehouse on my way to House of Oven Mitts when I spotted this store devoted entirely to beads. You know, tiny spheres with holes through them. Sadly it’s closed until next April for inventory.




2. Frolic Away From Heat ASAP!



Photo by Andrea Rothe.



“Wait! Come Back! I haven’t finished burning you!”


“I got plans, infernal ragamuffin!”






3. If My Easy is WHAT?



Photo by Brad Pierce.


Not to be confused
YORISME, the official license plate of Reb Brown, this is a bumper sticker that efficiently sums up humanity circa 2008. And every year previous. A part of me cannot believe this bumper sticker is nonfiction in this world. Can it really exist and can someone who is such a fan of a specific breed of dog that they’d have a sticker proclaiming that love not have an internal grammar doppler strong enough to catch the faux pas being inflicted upon them?




4. Enjoy Our Lushly Appointed Deathplace!


Photo by Corran L.


“I’m here for the place for rent.”


“Excellent! Will anyone be joining you? Friends, family? Next of kin?”


“I don’t think so, no. I’m out here in the country to be away from it all.”


“You have no idea! Have you any loose affairs that need to be tied up… to make your stay more comfortable?”


“Um, no. I mean, I left my scarf on the dresser but I’m not worried about getting a chill up here.”



“One last question, when you rise in the morning will you be demanding your Father’s Day cake?”





5. My Favorite Hole in the Wall Place.


Photo by Joey Tonz.


Note: I think this image was doctored before it was sent to me. There was a black bar covering the letter before “A” but I’m going to dry heave caution to the wind and just enjoy the sweetness that is ANAL
.

No, you weren’t just redirected to Dark Horizons.





6. You’re Shit. Out of Luck.



Photo by Kjel Johnson.



“We need to make sure no one finds a loophole in our business plan.”



“Well, we could tell them that we don’t offer a refund due to weather…”


“What if we revoke their license to poop?”






7. Land_o_LakesAficianado.org.



Photo by Chris Miller.


There is no circumstance where this license plate is allowable. I don’t care if this is the personal automobile of Gary Butaluv, former KGB custodian/spy or if ‘BUTALUV’ is the “Rosebud” for this driver’s family secret. Actually, if you see this car on the road, ram it into an embankment for me, willya? Did someone actually wait in line at the motor vehicle for THIS? Really? Wow, they need a hobby. Like dying in the woods alone.





8. Put Your Pink Cock in the Mouth of Miley Cyrus!


Photo by Sabrica Barnett.


Is it wrong to hope that this young lady gets ferociously cuddled into an AIDS grave? If so, may she eat enough of these to earn the paunch of the ancestors. Nah, I’m sure she’s a sweet person and not the annoying, untalented, and amazingly not attractive cess golem she appears to be.

OK, even I think that was a bit harsh of me. But if you noticed, not enough to delete the text. I’m just here a paragraph below looking up at it saying “that shit’s wrong”. But I don’t NOT feel like she’s a piece of shit so I’ll leave it up there and hope that by acknowledging that I was mean way back there in that last paragraph that folks may forgive me. God she sucks.




9. The Official Handbook of IMDB’s Message Board Community.



Photo by Nick Nunziata.


I don’t think you need that many pages to sum up lameness. How ever many pages is in a People Magazine should suffice.



10. McGruff Happens.



Photo by Andrew Sweeney.


It IS that easy. Just look for the white guy over his 50’s with a goatee and you’ll be amazed at the results.




11. Still Have No Idea Why People Like This.



Photo by Nick Nunziata.


This is a photo of a standee at my local Border’s. Everything about it reminds me why I hate most of manga I’ve ever attempted to ingest visually. The mouth is the worst thing since war, but the oddly Photoshopped eyes are a close second. I pray there’s a tainted bukkake session in this gal’s future as well as whomever drew her. I’m not normally a mean person but I hope a fiery crash happens to everyone involved. Fuck it, I hope all the fans of this also succumb to terminal scorpion attacks.

What the fuck is wrong with the author of the above paragraph? If you don’t like something just avoid it. You don’t have to be that close-minded, do you?

FUCK MANGA.

.




12. Handicapped = Ugly.



Photo by Andrew Sweeney.


That’s cool that there are no illusions in mas transit these days. If you’re pretty you can stand behind this divider. If not, well… just be crippled in the cubicle over there. The one with the draft and the doors that sometimes open while the vehicle is in motion.

Oh, and enjoy Vinnie Jones.



13. It’s Like a Time Machine to 1987!



Photo by Nick Nunziata.


How can you in good faith add emotion to any sentence featuring the term ‘Jazzercize’? I conjure images in my head of out of shape people struggling to and fro to the sounds of Kenny G and my stool backs up to my chestcage.

I apologize if there’s a new alternate definition to the term, one in which a Moyle cuts all of the jazz from a baby boy upon birth.




14. “Can I offer you a room?”  “Gwaaaaaa Snortle Baaaaaa!”



Photo by Corran L.


“I’d like a room.”


“I’m terribly sorry but we’re booked.”



“Well, how’s about an Incan pack animal?”





15. “I’m tired of girlfuckin’. What I really need is to make it with a basket of fries!”



Photo by Andrea Rothe.


Men’s new sexual needs, my ass. A room temperature crease and a faint pulse and we are good to go.





By the way:



























“I am tired of keep hurting from smelling grandmother’s Venus Fly Rose.”




Message Board Thread.