If Bloodsport is Van Damme’s Above the Law, and Hard Target is his Under Siege, then Maximum Risk is his Out for Justice. One of the bad guy’s last acts is chainsawing a pig in half. Ain’t that some shit. I guess in saying that there’s Steven Seagal fans, and Jean Claude Van Damme fans. You can like ‘em both, but you have to prefer one, and though I’m enjoying reading Vern’s book Seagology, I’m more a Van Damme guy.
THE QUANTUM OF SOLACE, THE ABSENCE OF CONTENT
Like Spinal Tap without Nigel Tufnel, I’m kinda at a loss, so I’m going all free-form jazz. This is a very uninteresting week at the box office. We could talk about the dumbing down of remakes, but there’s not ver much to say about it. They’re going to keep coming, and with Goosebumps coming, we shall see more of this, and again, it’s because the economy’s bad, and the studio is having a hard time selling hard sales. So it’ll be no surprise that Death Race opens, and will have a hard time doubling its opening weekend, but the DVD sales on the unrated will be enough to make it okay. Speaking of Seagal and Van Damme, it’s sad to think that Statham is the only modern correlative. Vin Diesel went big and blew it. Paul Walker hasn’t gotten that following. For the knuckleheaded, none of the wrestlers have found their cinematic home. Even The Rock,at least as a action star. Cocksqueeze.
The Rocker was likely a strike picture. I’m sure the film is not that bad. But it opened Wednesday to be the number ten pictue of the day. Rainn Wilson is lucky to get a chance to star in something, but again, Fox… What the fuck? What are you holding out for? How can you make so much miserable? Is it all spelled Tom Rothman? Tom, if you got reasons, E me. I’ll hear you out. You’ve got Horton Hears a Who from March, and What Happens in Vegas (okay, January brought 27 Dresses). Jumper didn’t turn a profit, not theatrically, while The Happening is a barely break-even if that, and Nim’s Island was a misfire. Meet the Spartans may have made money, but the rest is miss. So Tom, E me.
The House Bunny was directed by Fred Wolf, who also directed Strange Wilderness, which came out earlier this year. Another Happy Madison production, which means if it makes money, Sony’s happy, if it doesn’t, they’re still happy to be in business with Adam Sandler. Basically, no one cares.
The Longshots may be underrated, as it stars Ice Cube, and is a family film. It was directed by Fred Durst.
Hamlet 2 opens this week. 103 screens. Likely it’s the best thing in the theaters that wasn’t directed by Woody Allen.
I DID IT ALL FOR THE PREDICTIONS, YEAH, THE PREDICTIONS, YEAH.
And the air is out.
1. Tropic Thunder - $14.8 Million
2. Death Race - $13.7 Million
3. The Dark Knight - 11.7 Million
4. The Longshots - 9.8 Million
5. House Bunny - $8.7 Million
If The Longshots takes the weekend, I called it, but it won’t. If Death Race takes the weekend, I didn’t, and it might. But, eh.
Eh, I say, eh. See you Sunday.
Behind every great book adaptation is a forgettable first try. — By Ryan Covey