Samurai Cop: Deadly Vengeance is a bad idea, first and foremost. It’s for the people out there who want to see Troll 3 and somehow imagine it’ll be anywhere near as idiosyncratic and special as Troll 2. It’s impossible. SC:DV was cultivated in a hothouse of snark and self-awareness, making it the furthest thing from the original it could possibly be. So thanks, but no thanks. The people who wanted Samurai Cop already got the best version of that thing.

That said, give it up to the unlikeliest sequel of the year. People can talk all day about how insane it is that there’s a new Star Wars movie waiting for us on the other side of this year, but that’s as big a no-brainer as we’re ever likely to see. Samurai Cop 2 won’t be a money maker or the start of a new franchise or signal the launch of anyone’s career. It’s almost exactly as calculated as a new Star Wars movie, only the team behind this has a broken calculator. Five years ago it would’ve been more likely to see someone accidentally make a sequel than intentionally re-assemble the cast of a direct-to-video Amir Shervan film built off of Robert Z’dar’s z’tardom.

So like I said, give it up. If you’re being charitable. Or if you’re a fan of seeing Tommy Wiseau botch a line reading. This one’s for you.