What

follows is a scattershot bit of random thoughts, links, and images that

showcase the lunacy that exists in the entertainment world and beyond.

Folks who remember my old missives from the old Steady Leak articles

should find this kind of stuff familiar. Folks seemed to get a kick out

of the first installment, and each Wednesday should fall victim to

another installment. Don’t expect anything deep here but something may

tickle your fancy.

ASSORTED DUMB SHIT


1. “Yes, I Have a Reservation for Brunette Pregnant.



Photo by Andrew Sweeney.


I slept in late and was only able to get a First Trimester Mother, but I’m gonna flip her for quick cash anyhow. I learned my lesson, next time I’ll get a reservation. Weird thing about this sign: Posted in the middle of the forest.



2. She Fucked Me Smart.



Photo by Nick Nunziata.



Men aren’t picky. Not in the least. Too many people I know would, if given complete freedom and lack of repercussion, fuck any woman who’d be willing. Even a Viet Kong! Which is why I’m finally glad they’ve come out with something for us more discerning folks. Something more elegant. For us who crave the finer things in life. I love me a sophisticated pump.




3. Tiny and Hidden and Able to Kill You.



Photo by Nick Nunziata.


“Sensei, I just turned three years old.”


“My son then you are ready for the training of the mystical arts!”



“I’m three and jazzed! What to do?”


“Throw knives into that man for a while.”



“Hai!”



4. “Get Out of My Dreams… And Onto My Plate!


Photo by Nick Nunziata.


How do you not order the Crazy Ocean? I mean, there is literally nothing else on any menu that can compete. I’ve had Pathological French Dip before and it was delicious and no one debates a properly prepared Nihilist Salad, but a Crazy Ocean trumps all. Also, how do you send this dish back to the kitchen? None of us are qualified to determine the sanity of cooked sea denizens. Even if it doesn’t taste crazy enough it could be catatonic or possibly having a moment of clarity. Doesn’t mean it’s not batshit.





5. It’ll Take Your Picture… AND YOUR LIFE.


Photo by Nick Nunziata.


This is news to me. I always thought that surveillance cameras were to help in the prevention and/or
criminal investigation of law-breaking activities. They are there to visibly deter the villain. Or, if the villain strikes, they exist to help identify the villain. Apparently this little garden is so in need of protection that they got a camera with attitude. Fuck with a leaf and the camera comes over and beats your ass. Trod upon the mulch too much and the camera detaches and puts pain in your face. Such an aggressive camera. Must’ve got it at WOLF.




6. He Carries a Spare Everythings.



Photo by John Makarewicz.


One of six things happened to make this photo a reality:

1. Bike Partner Consumed By City Bear. Biker taking newly available bike to Play it Again Sports for Cash.
2. Imaginary Friend of Biker extremely demanding.
3. Spare bike strapped with Firecracker. Will be pushed towards City Hall where tiny explosion will happen.
4. Leader of the Give a Transient Wheels charity.
5. Jesus Tired of Carrying Biker at Beach.
6. Nurachi Smaller Than We Thought.



7. Jesus Failed Driver’s Ed.



Photo by Nick Nunziata.


I see Jesus driving anything, I’m going the other way. Nothing against the Favoritebeard, but the guy probably is more comfortable on horseback or on foot than at the wheel of a High Toned Son of a Bitch. No way he’s gonna get insurance.

HONK! HONK!


“Hey, it’s Jesus and he has a brand new Hyundai Sonata!”


“Hop in my Children. Let the Lamb take you to the mall.”



“No thanks, Savior.”


8. Huh?


Photo by Nick Nunziata.


I simply don’t know how to continue my life right now. What’s happening to me?

STAND UP FOR AMERICA!!
BE AMERICAN!!

How do you BE American, especially if you’re not? Americans ARE Americans. It’s a pretty flawless system, and not to get all metaphysical and shit but, if you ARE something you don’t have to BE to BE that something because you ARE. Even if you try to NOT BE American, if you’re an American you have to BE. You can’t UNBE. No one can. You already IS.

Funny thing is that I’m more offended by the extra exclamation point than the dumber than dumb rhetoric.


9. Claudia Christian fans, Prepare to Be Disappointed!



Photo by Nick Nunziata.


I think there’s something deeply wrong about these two words alone together.


10. I Have Kilt for Less Than This.



Photo by Nick Nunziata.


MAN IN KILT READING MANGA.

I took this picture with my phone camera and for the first time ever a box came up reading “WHY THE FUCK?”.



11. It’s True!



Photo by Nick Nunziata.


This is actually a very helpful book. Stop eating and soon you will meet your maker. As an aside, I want to punch this guy in the face 1,000 times. Look at him! Read his name! He sounds like the villain in a Final Fantasy game.

“The Jentezen is approaching!”


“Well punch it in the face 1,000 times!”



12. Chapter 6: Dealing With Being Useless as Men and Warriors.



Photo by Nick Nunziata.


There’s a reason this book looks like it was designed, printed, and written in Deluxe Paint II for DOS. Ninjas are dumb.



13. Tastes like Chicken. Or Foreskin.



Photo by Nick Nunziata.


I made the mistake of visiting the Alive Museum in the remote Andes.



14. Monkey’s in the Middle…



Photo by Will Mason.


The Man in the Yellow Hat is Smiling because Curious George found the Man in the Yellow Boat. You can just call him George from now on…


15. No One Will Ever Understand Ever.



Photo by Nick Nunziata.


“Hello I am need worst license plate in world history.”


“Whatever. I just had a customer who got SOCCRMOM and yesterday we had the trifecta of DARTHJIM, I8BRKF$T, & BOSSK HOG.”



“Please be let me purchase this horrible.”




“Sir, you’re talking to the person who authorized SHINS4EVA and GREGKIHN1.”




“I am need MECTHET.”


“Stay there sir. I am calling my supervisor, security, and Mack Bolan.”



16. #2 on Baghdad’s ‘How To’ Chart.



Photo by Nick Nunziata.


Take from me, they’re all explosive if you set the charge right.



17. I Live in Fear.



Photo by Brian Hampton.


This picture was taken at a Braves game by one of my softball teammates. I was at home at the time.










By the way:



























“If I clean bedroom, sister will let me uncle her baby!”


Message Board Thread.