This post in going to be riddled with The Ruins spoilers, so if you are concerned with ruining your The Ruins experience, I recommend you refrain from reading any further.

Now I enjoyed The Ruins, and it was definitely a, how do you say, “page-turner”, but by the end I really had some problems with it as well. I understand it was a scaaaryyy psychological thriller and all, and more about the assholes who got stuck on the mound (it wasn’t very “ruiny” in my imagination, certainly not as “ruiny” as pictured here. Or in the trailers.) than the killer vines, but being the shallow cad that I am I’m usually far more intrigued with the critters than the characters. I was down with the vines, even when they started showing a certain animal cunning and intelligence, but by the time they started speaking German, I was getting my panties in a bit of a bunch. Sure I can dig the audio mimicry, and randomly repeating shit that’s been heard before, or perhaps has been used to lure prey onto the hill before, but picking and choosing the correct words out of a language to gain the most intense psychological effect? C’mon. Not only did the plant speak German, it understood human mating rituals? It knew that mr. boyfriend would get all worked up if he found out ms. girlfriend was making the beast-with-two-backs with another man? The vine knew they were DATING? I am now playing C & C music Factory’s “Things that make you go hmmm”. Now I’m deleting that song fom my computer again. Not that it was there in the first place. For the record.