I’m sorry, but this is just plain funny.

Bloody Disgusting ran a report of how Lionsgate is releasing Clive Barker adaptation The Midnight Meat Train in an amazing new way.

Barely!


Exclusively in dollar theaters!

What in the hills, in the cities are they thinking? You don’t release a film starring Vinnie Jones based on a short story from a series of somewhat obscure (though great) splatter books with a title that had theater audiences laughing at in only a few measly cheapass theaters! You bust that shit out on 3,300 screens, preferably in 3-D IMAX. What are the kids in the Midnight Meat Train Line who have been camping out since last October going to think?

Granted, as a fan of Clive Barker’s older work and movies about beefy transit I’m looking forward to the Midnight Meat Train. I want to see it in a theater and based on BD’s List [eat your heart out Oskar!] it looks like Atlanta will be deprived, choosing rather to stick with its own horrible MARTA system.

It sucks, but it’s typical. Horror movies, especially ones that aren’t a remake or starring Tom Hanks as The Grudge are often dumped. Part of the business. As a producer I saw our Grizzly Park go from wide theatrical release possibilities to one screen in Los Angeles for a week and from a wide DVD release to a DVD you have to hunt down to ask stores to order for you. It got to the point where I thought people were going to have to find a mystical moviola in the enchanted forest to see the thing, and that’s only if they knew the secret password [“Gun-Kata“].

Part of the business, but Clive Barker himself isn’t standing for it. This is where the funny gets downright HILARIOUS. Mr. Barker has issued a mandate to his fans that involves spamming Lionsgate with emails demanding a release befitting of a Vinnie Jones vehicle. Whether this is out of righteousness or a theatrical profit percentage deal is irrelevant. It’s just plain great. Here’s Mr. Barker’s mandate. Enjoy it. Also, if you follow these instructions I demand you buy three items from the CHUD Cafepress Store as penance:



If you wish to see MIDNIGHT MEAT TRAIN in all its big screen glory at a THEATER near you, please do the following:



Cut and paste the message at the bottom of this post and e-mail it to:




1) investor relations at Lionsgate: keasterling@lionsgate.com




2) Lionsgate: general-inquiries@lionsgate.com




3) call Lionsgate at (310) 449-9200 and express your desire to see MIDNIGHT MEAT TRAIN get the release it deserves.




BE POLITE AND PROFESSIONAL! We do not want to piss them off, just want
them to know how many fans out there would like to shell out their hard
earned cash to see the most groundbreaking horror film of the past ten
years in a real movie theater!




HERE’S A SAMPLE MESSAGE FOR YOUR CONVENIENCE (or feel free to compose your own):




Dear Lionsgate,




As a long time Clive Barker fan, I am writing you to express my strong
desire to see “The Midnight Meat Train” on the big screen.




Rumors are currently circulating that the film will only be released on
a limited basis and I am very concerned that I will miss my opportunity
to see the most highly anticipated Clive Barker film in over a decade
in all of its big screen glory!




There are millions of horror fans like myself who have been
disappointed by the recent trend towards watered down PG-13 horror
movies. Clive’s work represents a return to serious, thought provoking
horror movies and with Ryuhei Kitamura at the helm, I am even more
excited to experience this collaboration, as it was intended: in a
packed theater with hundreds of other horror fans like myself!




I urge you to please give this film the release it deserves!




Many thanks,


YOUR NAME
.