Witchblade sucks so hard NASA’s searching it for signs of the Cygnus. The comic book was a horrible attempt to combine the horrible 90’s trend of tit infested tough girls with horrible supernatural bullshit set against the backdrop of boring bullshit police bullshit.

I have no opinion.

Lucky you, Witchblade is aiming for that most amazing trifecta of asshole.

1. Jacked-up comic engineered to appease teens who have never nippletouched. CHECK!

2. Shitstorm of a television series that inexplicably continued the career of Yancy Butler. The comic – big tits = What gives? CHECK!

3. An unwanted film adaptation by the man who made Queen of the Damned. SALVATION ARRIVES IN SHORT HEATED BURSTS, CHECK!

Fucking Witchblade. Such a bad idea, especially considering that all the great actresses out there who will campaign for the role don’t have paper thin legs and breasts you can see from Mercury. It has its director! Michael Rymer, who ironically knows nothing about words that sound alike, has apparently done some great work on Battlestar: Galactica but his decision to be involved with Witchblade and Queen of the Damned override any accomplishments this side of abolishing genocide or rendering Oprah Winfrey mute. He will direct this atrocity.

No studio is named yet but the production will be a team effort between Top Cow, Havenwood Media, Platinum Studios, and the demon Astaroth.

If there’s a God this film will come out this year and every year on the solstice.

Trivia: Witchblade has sold over 100 million copies. Scientists are looking into any connections between this fact and children born without blood.

Trivia: Scott Mitchell Rosenberg’s company Platinum Studios rejected my comic book Mythopolis about five years ago, presumably because it was too amazing.

Trivia: I hope this doesn’t interfere with Warlockstiletto, the film pitch I’m bringing to Paramount tomorrow.