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STUDIO: MTV
MSRP: $27.99
RATED: Unrated
RUNNING TIME: 424 minutes
SPECIAL FEATURES:
Extended and deleted scenes



The Pitch


It’s (insert bad relationship reality show here), this time with both sexes going after one hot Asian chick.

The Humans

Tila Tequila, 32 schlubs and hos you’ll never see again unless it’s in a spinoff show.

The Nutshell

Tila Nguyen, better known as Tila Tequila, is a (supposedly) bisexual model, singer and MTV personality who’s looking for love, so naturally the best place to do that is on a reality TV show.  She hauls in 16 guys and 16 girls to compete for her affections, winnowing the group down each week until only one remains.  In the midst of it all, there’s sexual tension, drama, fighting, infighting, proclamations of undying love, and the usual TV relationship reality show bullshit.



I mean honestly, these shows are so utterly predictable and beneath our level of notice as a civiliza…uh…I mean…what was I saying…?



The Lowdown

Let me just spoil this whole friggin’ thing for you right away.   If you honestly give a shit about how this show turned out, stop reading right now, because the rest of the review is a spoilerfest.  Instead, go plop down your thirty-odd bucks and buy it.  I and the rest of civilization will be laughing at you in the meantime:
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Tila chooses one of the guys named Bobby, over a fairly butch lesbian named Dani.  After the show, here’s how things basically broke down between her chosen beau and Tila (courtesy of Wikipedia):

“…well everyone wants to know so here it is she never called me after the last show and no one would give me her number so pretty much I feel like and ass but we are not 2gather u cant have a realationship bye urself ya know so now you all know and sometimes no matter how bad you want things to work out they dont and theres nothing you can do i tryed… thank you all.”




“I’ve asked you all here to take part in the first bisexual dating game reality show.  Only one of you will win my heart.  The rest of you have already been scheduled to be recycled over to Flav’s, Bret’s and New York’s shows…”



Tila’s response?

“We couldn’t see each other for 2 months after [the finale], and we only talked on the phone. Just naturally, people kind of move on with their lives. We tried our best to keep in touch and keep it going, but after a while, all of this camera stuff, he just couldn’t handle it.”


Thus the telegraphed fate of pretty much any reality dating show contestants.  I mean honestly, is there anyone who didn’t think this is how it would all end?  I’m no prude by any stretch of the imagination.  If you like watching shows like this for all of the drama of a bunch of nobodies competing for the heart of a celebrity, or just checking your brain at the door, fine.  But if you – in your heart of hearts – believe that it’s going to do anything else except end in a non-televised break-up, you’re a fool.  Or sheep.  Or foolish sheep. 



Producer: “So you think that you can give your heart completely over to Tila?”
Krystal: “Absolutely. 100%. No doubt.  Besides, Flav, Bret, The Bachelor, Scott Baio, Danny Bonaduce, both of the Coreys, Gary Coleman, New York and even the Mole already turned me down…”



Shows like A Shot at Love, Rock of Love, I Love New York, Flavor of Love, and most eggregiously, The Bachelor, all end up the same way: they break up.  Shocking I know.  So getting all of the obvious bollocks out of the way, how was the show itself?  Aside from the admittedly unique premise, it’s exactly – and I mean exactly – like any of the aforementioned shows.  Don’t believe me?  For A Shot At Love II, they used the exact same mansion that they used in the second season of Rock of Love.  Yup, breaking new ground all the way. 



“For me, there is no hesitation, no equivocation.  It’s either Tila or bust…of course if there’s a spinoff in the offing, we could of course discuss that…”



There was inevitably a second season of this show.  Wanna know what happened there also?  The winner of Tila’s heart, this time a chick named Kristy Morgan, didn’t accept Tila’s offer, stating that she wasn’t ready for a relationship for a woman.  All that for a rejection.  See, reality dating shows are like a bad fortune cookie: It’s not about the destination, it’s about the journey.  Because we sure as shit know what the destination is going to be: celeb gets more face time, previously nameless unknown gets fifteen minutes.  Next…



“Do I love Tila?  Obviously…at least until The Real Housewives call.  I mean, hello? I am from Orange County, plus I’m blonde…”



Still, it wasn’t a total loss for everyone involved.  Tila did get her two seasons of exposure, and more is certain to come.  There were also a couple of spinoffs. A Shot At Love: The Hangover, which was the mandatory aftershow that rehashed the goings-on of the parent show and was hosted by comedia Ryan Stout.  There was the sequel show of course, and then also That’s Amore!, where popular suitor from Season 1, Domenico Nesci, an entertaining little Italian dude (admittedly he was entertaining) got his own reality dating show where 15 American chicks threw themselves at him for a season.  How did that end up?  I’ll give you three gueses, but you won’t even need one.



“I understand Tila’s like Vietnamese or sumthin?  They eat dogs don’t they?  Hey, that’s fine with me, ’cause I have my own weird relationships with small animals too…”



Now listen, I’m sure somewhere, deep…deep…deeeeeep down, these shows have their place.  I certainly don’t blame Tila for taking a couple of major boosts to her career, and truth to tell, she’s very easy on the eyes and likes to wear skimpy clothes, which is alright in my book.  Is the show entertaining in places?  Sure.  There’s some hot action going on, a couple of fights, and the usual shenanigans, but then again, there’s also the bullshit (a word I’m using a lot this review) proclamations of “I’m falling in love with her”…”She never got to know the real me”…and all the boilerplate dating reality show horse hooey.  It’s not only expected, it’s mandatory.  Honestly, it’s gots to be in the goddamned contracts the contestants sign.  Gots to be.  So come on, if you must kill your brain cells with this utterly predictable dreck, catch the reruns.  This set is a complete waste of your money.  Not to mention my time.

The Package

The episodes look pretty good.  There’s a lot of flesh being shown, and this entire set is uncensored, so there’s bein’ some cussin’ heard abouts.  There’s also extended and deleted footage which is pretty much more of the same.  Next…



3.3 out of 10