The most popular show in North America right now, America’s Got Talent and the Infinite Sadness, is hosted by Jerry Springer and features a weekly dose of David Hasselhoff and the helium-voiced Sharon Osbourne. Methinks maybe we have Tower of Babel envy! Since the show has brought a little bit of heat back to the Osbourne clan, they have decided to strike while the iron’s lukewarm. According to Variety, Fox has opted to forgo their plans for a 6-part mini-series about the life of Marcel Proust in order to produce an hourlong variety show hosted by Ozzy Osbourne, Sharon Osbourne and their kids, Jack and Kelly.

Mike Darnell, a Fox decision-maker/ weaver of dreams had this to say about the show:

The plan is to blend musical perfs by the Osbournes and others with comedy sketches as well as gameshow, audience participation and out-of-studio taped elements. One idea being kicked around is for a segment dubbed “The Osbournes Meet the Osbournes,” in which Ozzy and Co. spend time with another Osbourne clan.

Another idea being kicked around is that there is no God, yet Satan somehow exists. Now that’s not fair, is it? This could be really good, he said as he felt around in the darkness for the shotgun shells.

Sharon is on US television every week (and really has been bouncing from one reality show to another since The Osbournes ended its triumphant run on MTV in 2005), but the slimmed down Kelly and Jack have also been busying up the British boob tube. Kelly is a judge on the UK’s version of Project Runway, and Jack has a show called Jack Osbourne: Adrenaline Junkie. Blood is tough to get out of fabric, and the Osbournes cannot be scrubbed from the airwaves. Prepare your eyes and steel your hearts, dear friends: Speculation has this possibly paired with American Idol.