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STUDIO: Warner Brothers
MSRP: $28.98
RATED: PG-13
RUNNING TIME: 112 min
SPECIAL FEATURES:
    Fool’s Gold: Flirting with Adventure – The Chemistry between
        Two Charming Contemporary Stars
    Gag Reel






THE PITCH

There’s no God, Carlin’s dead and Andy Tennant keeps making movies. This time, we get to watch as Kate Hudson and Matthew McConaughey reunite and search for lost treasure.

THE HUMANS

Kate Hudson, Matthew McConaughey, Ewan Bremner, Donald Sutherland, Alexis Dziena, Kevin Hart, Ray Winstone and Malcolm Jamal Warner


So, I just sit here with my shirt off and you take pictures. Joe Francis bought me some Patron first, but what’s some skin among men?


THE NUTSHELL

Fool’s Gold is a simple movie about a beach bum losing his lady. The bum Finn (Matthew McConaughey) still loves his ex Tess (Kate Hudson), but he’s in debt to gangster Bigg Bunny. The two reunite and they decide to use Tess’s employer’s boat to hunt down the treasure. But, things get complicated as new partners and old rivals show up to steal the jewels away from our two heroes.


It’s not that I have a hard time with the Butterscotch Stallion’s nose. It’s just that he calls it his human horn and tries to impale me upon it.


THE LOWDOWN

Matthew McConaughey and Kate Hudson have one thing in common. They made their debuts in good movies and they haven’t done a god damn thing since that first film. But, that’s not new information. It’s just a simple reiteration of one of those truths that all discriminating moviegoers hold close to their heart. Mainstream cinema darlings always amount to shit squared when paired up for mindless outings.

Fool’s Gold opens on Finn, as he tries to make sense of where his life has gone. When he discovers the location of a treasure called the Queen’s Dowry, he hatches a plan to reunite with his wife for one last treasure hunt.  Finn’s wife Tess happens to get her employer involved and Donald Sutherland makes his bit work. What comes across painful is the forced comedy from Sutherland’s character’s daughter. I think she’s the chick from Broken Flowers that showed Bill Murray her beaver. But, she seems to me trying to morph into Thandie Newton.


Spud should’ve known that the bedsheet story was never going to him popular at the pub.


The film doesn’t work. It’s a hair-brain concoction of schemes and obstacles that are designed to make simpletons coo at Tess and Finn. When, that’s not enough you get some antics or Ray Winstone’s horrible accent to mock. If you seen a romantic treasure hunt comedy before, then you’ve probably watched something better than this. Fuck, I’d give my left nut to see Eddie Deezen appear and break up the monotony.

There’s a huge cross-section of Americans that leave this sort of junk. They won’t care about the lack of character development or McConaughey’s lack of talent. They will fall for all the cues and traps that Tennant and company weaved into the story. This is a film meant to be watched on the worst afternoon of your life on a Greyhound bus. You’re not going to gain any sort of entertainment from this clap-trap.


So, I’ve got to wear that thing like a face hugger?
That’s right, brah.
I’m so fuckin’ doing this.


THE PACKAGE

Fool’s Gold arrives on DVD with barely any supplemental material. You get a featurette about the two main stars and a gag reel. Nothing says take this movie seriously than Kate Hudson giggling over line flubs. I don’t need anymore bullshit fan worship of talent less hacks. I get enough of that on message boards that try to convince me that Bruce Campbell is a credible lead actor.

The A/V Quality is pretty strong. But, that’s on par with the transfers from most films shot by D.P. Don Burgess. You get expert composition and pitch perfect sound design. The soundstage is clear-cut with amazing push to the back channels and subwoofer. It’s quite the feat.

In the end, Fool‘s Gold is a great looking and sounding disc. It’s just a shame that the movie’s a chunk of shit. Still, I can’t say that it won’t look good on your home theater when the significant other in your life forces you to watch it. Just don’t stare directly at Kate Hudson’s lop-sided chest. It’ll make you think that the right breast has escaped and is on its way to eat you.


If we’re going to play MASH, you don’t get to jam things in my Hawkeye. Deal?
No dice.
Well, I can let it slide. Let’s just shoot this bitch in night vision and call it a day.


3.4 out of 10