Let’s count the many blessings given to us by this trailer for Reach Me:

*Thomas Jane firing six shooters in the middle of the street while wearing a duster and red pants.

*A artisanally pickled Danny Aiello.

*Jane comically counting off the men he’s killed while giving confession.

*Obtuse self-help advice courtesy of Nelly, playing a character named, “E-Ruption.” And I quote, “There’s no stopping someone who will stop at nothing. So if you want something, you have to decide how to get it.”

*Kyra Sedgwick beating up another woman in movie jail.

*Tom Sizemore playing a man that is allowed within 100 yards of a golf course.

*The well-fed ghost of Carey Elwes.


*Kelsey Grammer’s incalculable disappointment.

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*Tom Berringer = self-help-enigma-Jesus.

*Sylvester Stallone as your dad’s idea of what a Hollywood agent looks like.

*An empathetic dog.

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*”You’re a finger painting! Be a masterpiece!”

*”How many people do you have to kill before you realize it’s wrong?”

*”Courage means moving forward in spite of your fear.”

*Wait, Danny Trejo is in this? Terry Crews too?!

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