Let’s count the many blessings given to us by this trailer for Reach Me:
*Thomas Jane firing six shooters in the middle of the street while wearing a duster and red pants.
*A artisanally pickled Danny Aiello.
*Jane comically counting off the men he’s killed while giving confession.
*Obtuse self-help advice courtesy of Nelly, playing a character named, “E-Ruption.” And I quote, “There’s no stopping someone who will stop at nothing. So if you want something, you have to decide how to get it.”
*Kyra Sedgwick beating up another woman in movie jail.
*Tom Sizemore playing a man that is allowed within 100 yards of a golf course.
*The well-fed ghost of Carey Elwes.
*Kelsey Grammer’s incalculable disappointment.
*Tom Berringer = self-help-enigma-Jesus.
*Sylvester Stallone as your dad’s idea of what a Hollywood agent looks like.
*An empathetic dog.
*”You’re a finger painting! Be a masterpiece!”
*”How many people do you have to kill before you realize it’s wrong?”
*”Courage means moving forward in spite of your fear.”
*Wait, Danny Trejo is in this? Terry Crews too?!