Cover artSay what you will about House of the Dead as a horror film, but that film made me laugh when the guy walks off the boat, licks his finger, and says there is a storm coming or something like that. It’s a pretty funny movie. That’s why I’m so perplexed by this report from Shock Till You Drop stating that there is a new director’s cut being released on DVD that is billed as House of the Dead: The Funny Version. I thought the cut we all saw was the funny version. Confused, I suddenly remembered a certain little test that helped me learn how to live my life. Maybe you heard of it? That’s right. The SAT.

We can decipher the logic by employing an SAT style analogy problem.

Depending on the what we all agree to be the intent of the theatrical version of House of the Dead, let’s say it was to horrify and entertain audiences, we can then assume the following is true.

House of the Dead: Theatrical Cut is to funny as House of the Dead: The Funny Version is to horrifying and entertaining.

I would just take that and slap it on the box to turn a quick profit. Of course, Lionsgate is going the traditional route in hyping up the release.

Original cast includes Jurgen Prochnow and Clint Howard with a special appearance by famed breast augmentation specialist Siegfried Wienermeister. Even the most hardcore fans of the original cult classic will never discover that human flesh tastes like chicken until they watch this hysterically tasteless funny version!

That’s ridiculous. The general consensus has always been that human flesh tastes like chicken. As far as boxes go, this one just feels… dishonest. What would famed breast augmentation specialist Siegfried Wienermeister say?

House of the Dead: The Funny Version hits store shelves on September 9, 2008.