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STUDIO: Bill Zebub
MSRP: $16.95
RATED: Unrated
RUNNING TIME: 92 min
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THE PITCH

A couple of people make the world’s shittiest horror movie. 


The profits of this game became the seed money for the production.


THE HUMANS

Elephant Boy, Rocco Marton, Jeanne Potter, Elaine Tuttle, Bill Zebub and Jennyphyre Ligieri 


One vial keeps you in this shitty movie, the other sends you to the sweet embrace of the tomb. Choose wisely.


THE NUTSHELL

The Worst Horror Movie Ever Made started life as the idea of former ’zine editor Bill Zebub. Bill’s made a couple of schlock flicks in the past. Each upping the level of what’s horrible and what can be done cheap in the world of horror. Now, I believe that he used a DVD to piss AIDS into my eyes. 


This is just lame.


THE LOWDOWN

The film is bad. Let’s just get that out of the way first. There’s no satire to be found or anything of redeeming value. It’s a couple of pals throwing together some found items and trying to sneak in tits when they can. The tits were good and that’s why the film isn’t a total dud.

The Worst Horror Movie Ever Made isn’t just a bad movie. It’s a remake of the original 2005 film that must’ve died a slow painful death in some distributor’s basement. Scenes were changes and jokes were spiced up. It still doesn’t change the backyard mentality of the film. Not that there’s anything wrong with screwing around and making films in your backyard.


Jesus never quite got over the death of Dimebag Darrell.


That screwing around mentality is what permeates through the work. Nothing is serious and there’s no thought given to building form. It’s just a slap-dash of bits strung together. Some people can get away with this, as they eventually add some sense of structure. This is nothing more than a little kid trying to string dirty jokes and gross-out imagery together.

The film needs rhyme and reason. Making a bomb and then asking people to acknowledge its lameness isn’t anything special. It’s gathering people around the toilet, so they can bask in the fact that your colon still works. I hate this film, because I can feel something through this. Bill Zebub thinks he’s clever. If the multitude of disclaimer title cards didn’t tip you off, the overall tone of the picture gives you an idea of something. He wants to be Ed Wood. Well, pal…you don’t get to be Ed Wood this way. You’re probably going to have to cut your cock off on camera for a grand finale. That way, you might get a higher review score from me. Well, there’s that or you can stick a killer bear in it. I’m a sucker for bear movies.


Gay chicken is so much better when a tank is involved.


THE PACKAGE

The Worst Horror Movie Ever Made comes to DVD with nothing to show for it. There’s some bloopers and a preview for another flick. I would’ve liked a commentary track, but I guess that would’ve tacked another twenty bucks onto the production. Lord knows that these people have to eat. So, I’ll try to toss them a bone.  

The A/V Quality is weak as fuck. You get those video flare ups that result from taking seemingly shot on tape and then transferring it to film. My receiver couldn’t pick up an audio flag from the DVD, but it appeared to be a Dolby 2.0 mix. The lack of separation in the front channels made it hard to pin down, but I’m going to trust my ears on this one. It’s not something that you’re going to need a sweet system to watch.


These are the two reasons why the film didn’t get a total washout on the score below.


In the end, The Worst Horror Movie Ever Made lives up to its title. They outdid Uwe Boll intentionally and I guess they should be proud. But, taking a dump is still taking a dump. You spent all that time and effort turning something that was once good into German fetish porn filler. There’s no reason to watch this film. Consider yourself warned.


Public Access watch out. These special effects have just upped the game. Next stop, ILM.


0.3 out of 10