Why couldn’t it have been Monchhichis?

I’m loath to pick over the development history of a big-budget, live-action Smurfs movie, but, just as I’m pretty sure there is some history (beyond the kiboshed Paramount/Nickelodeon CGI feature), I’m also quite certain that someone’s done the “do it dark, enhance the menace of Gargamel, explore the whoreom of Smurfette” bit. So let’s not go there. Let’s instead focus on the impending banality from Shrek 2 & The Third screenwriters David Stem and David Weiss, which will likely get turned into a big, pandering piece of crap by someone who fakes an affection for “the original vision of Pierre ‘Peyo’ Culliford”. Andrew Adamnson, who should be back out on the market pretty soon, would be ideal for honing this implement of torture.

I should clarify that this is intended as a live-action/animated melding ala Cool World, which is apparently a) a first for Sony Pictures Animation (who gave us the last year’s very enjoyable Surf’s Up), and b) a media hybrid that’s back in style thanks to the soul-decaying success of Alvin & the Chipmunks. I really like the folks over at SPA, so I’m hoping they get something unusually awesome out of Stem and Weiss. Still, when all my generation’s got to go on is an animated series that was considered “sissy” when we were in freakin’ elementary school, there’s simply no reason to get excited – i.e. unless they do the right thing and hire Fincher.