I sort of knew it would happen one day. I actually thought it might take place in an officially sanctioned setting, though – one where critics came to a movie and were given outlets and wifi access.

I’m talking about live blogging a movie screening here. It happened on Sunday at Cannes, when Eric Kohn, who has the distinct cranial structure of a douchebag, sent text messages to an IndieWire blogger during the screening of Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull.

It’s hard for me to explain to you how angry this makes me. It’s bad enough when a regular jackass whips out their phone and bathes everyone behind them in a blue glow during a movie while they text away like a moron, but for a film critic like Eric Kohn to do this… well, there’s no badge that can be revoked, so he should probably just have his texting fingers broken.

I’ll take it all back if Kohn somehow worked out a way to telepathically send SMS messages, but I somehow doubt that. Even if Kohn was sitting in the very back row of the theater, his behavior represents a degree of unprofessionalism that’s baffling, especially since he isn’t some new turk right out of college. Even worse: his texts are vapid pieces of nonsense. Seriously, Eric, such keen insights as

Too many car chases. But they’re all decent if not exceptional

Shia and Cate in a swordfight. Two cars driving side by side. Whoa.

OK the musical chair aspect of this car chase is kinda brilliant

Even Lerman digs the chase

could have waited until the credits came up. I know that you felt that your public needed to read your astonishingly original comparison of this film to a rollercoaster right as you thought it up, but it still would have been a statement of zero interest two hours later. 

Eric Kohn: lowering the bar.