Okay, so Eileen offered the staff a chance to review a bottle of tequila. I said yes because, well, free alcohol. And then the bottles showed up, and I realized that A) I was going to have to write about the booze, and B) this was an opportunity to write the greatest review in the history of the written form, also C) I was going to get really drunk on the Silver Select Tequila 1800, which is 100 proof. My liver.

And so, when I got home today and two bottles were at my doorstop.

About: 1800 Select Silver is a bold new introduction to the established 1800 Tequila franchise. Launching in April as a compelling, must-have drink for the Tequila fan, 1800 Select Silver Tequila is a 100 Proof, 100% Agave silver tequila that delivers a smooth and potent sensation to elevate any party experience. (note: I didn’t write that)

1800 Select Silver Facts

-375ml, 750ml, and 1 liter bottles starting at $34.99
-Available nationwide at best bars and spirits retailers
-1800 Tequila is distilled Los Camichines Distiller , Mexico
-1800 Tequila is distributed by Proximo Spirits  Jacksonville . Florida

Official Site

THE REVIEW REVIEW:So, this is going to be something of a live-blog-type affair.

Opening the bottle: I’m an idiot, I spilled some immediately after cracking the plastic.

First drink (6:45): A shot. Smells a bit like vanilla, The first shot goes down smooth. Warmth in my chest. Fairly delicious. Dangerously tasty. Jesus. I’m going to be drinking this all night. I’ve decided to have a second. Best assignment that doesn’t involve meeting famous people! I’m going to have at least a shot every half hour (though if I start making margaritas, who’s to say how much I’ll splash in).

Second shot (6:55): I’m sipping this one. Very enjoyable. I’m scared when booze tastes really good. And also, I’ve got things to do tomorrow, where I’m going to Vegas and there will be drinking there. Lost Weekend? Paging Ray Milland. Feeling warm and light.

Third drink (7:15): I’ve bought some margarita mix. I made a margarita. I’m gonna get hurt. So awesome. I want to start talking nonsense just to make this more interesting. This is some good booze, though, I’m really enjoying this. I’m sipping. Gotta breathe. I bought some White Castle to help me through this review. Oh man. Oh baby Jesus, help me. I’m on a good going right now. And it’s not that late. But the idea is: finish the bottle, and throw up if you have to. I don’t know. I don’t know.

Drink Four (7:49):  Watching old SNL right now, second margarita. Getting drunk.  Again, I want to say something clever. Make women like me. Should I be honest, too honest, or start fucking with you? I dunno. I’m going to keep drinking, and maybe truths with be revealed, the onion will be peeled and you’ll get to know me in ways you never thought you would. Or likely what happens when I normally get drunk: I pass out.

Drink Five (8:20):

Drink six (8:50): Foruth margarita Just made some drunk dials. Not that drunk, I hope. I just wanted to talk to some peeps. I’m watching the extras on Serial Mom. I am drunk, though. But it’s a good drunk. I’m doing all right, but just drunk-drunk-drunk. Fuck, I’m rambling. Smart decision to liveblog this. At least my spelling is holding out.

Drink seven (9:20): Running low on Margarita mix.. oh dear lord. I’m fucked. I’m eating the White Castle now. And I’m keepin’ with the drinkin’. Fuck yeah. I am drunk. Durnk. Oh man. I’m having trouble with the motor functioning, but the boooze is good. Good.

Srink Eight (9:50):

POST (live-blog) SCRIPT: I took the eighth drink and went outside for air and to take those photos. Then I fell asleep. I wasn’t planning on going to bed that early, and I had hopes of finishing the bottle for the story (damn it), but either my body or common sense won out. I also had an early flight, so the sleep helped at least cushion the blow.  

THE HANGOVER: Not that bad considering how much I had. It was a sweaty sort of not feeling awesome, something likely magnified by my flight, but by the time I got in, I was feeling all right (round noon-ish). Probably helped that in Vegas I had some hair of the dog.

FINAL SURVEY: I can’t call myself a tequila expert (I am a beer snob), and I’ve always been a whiskey kind of guy, but if I wasn’t drinking so heavily in the name of journalism, this would have been a pretty good night of drinking. The SS 1800 is a tasty tequila that has the smoothness of a liqueur, but the ass kicking of something 100 proof. I’m going to treat the second bottle with a little more care and respect, that’s for sure. Sadly, this isn’t the greatest review ever written. It’s not even the best review written whilst the writer was intoxicated. Now I’m sad. But I’ve learned a valueable lesson. Hopefully, so have you.