But they’ll settle for “serviceable”. Or “less of a non-stop disaster than Agent 86″.

So head on over to the just-gone-live website for Get Smart and enlist as either an operative for the good guys (Control) or the no-goodniks (Kaos). I opted for Control, but, y’know, Kaos makes an enticing pitch with the uber-cool Terence Stamp repping the slapstick forces of evil. It’s just… how do you go against Alan “Serpentine” Arkin? (By the way, Arkin was so in love with one of his bits in Get Smart that he told Segal it was “the new ‘Serpentine'”. Scoff if you must, but Arkin would kinda know these things.)

Oh, and let’s get one thing clear: though I’ve voiced my misgivings about Peter Segal’s Get Smart sharing its opening weekend with Mike Myers’s The Love Guru, I have no doubt that the former will be the movie to see on June 20th. And if the latest trailer or my editing room visit from last January or the mere presence of Steve Carell can’t convince you of this, then you are beyond help. Frankly, I think Paramount should vacate that date and open Curried Powers in the fall, but they’re not liable to base their business decisions on a) my whims or b) common sense. Enjoy getting slaughtered by Maxwell Smart, ya dopes!