My grandfather was fond of saying “Our greatest hopes and worst fears are seldom realized.” Today, our worst fears have been realized. Jonah Hill will not appear in Transformers 2.

According to a strangely dramatic entry posted to Entertainment Weekly‘s “Hollywood Insider” blog, negotiations between Hill’s people and DreamWorks have “broken down”. It’s like they were brokering Salt II or something. The deal breaker: Hill’s vigorously unreasonable demands for an eight-story trailer, a trial subscription to Grit, and monogrammed pocket pussies. Maybe when you’re clearing $20 mil per pic, my man. Until then, you’ll jam your cock in regular pussy like the rest of us plebes.

And so the search for Shia LaBeouf’s wisecracking, somewhat rotund sidekick will continue. The next phone call better be to Cecil Fielder.

Meanwhile, Jonah Hill is set to make merry in Ricky Gervais’s and Matt Robinson’s This Side of the Truth. He might also put in a brief appearance in A Night at the Museum 2. He only needs a four-story trailer and The Fucking Chair for that.