A Nice Hard Slap – Twitter. I still don’t get it.

The evolution of the internet continues and the rise to power of the social networking world baffles me increasingly each day. MySpace (me) and Facebook (me)
are one thing. I get them. They’ve allowed me to maintain better touch
with old friends, family, and new associates without the rigors of
using the phone (seriously, I get incensed when folks insist on calling
when a text or email would suffice).

Twitter (me)
is a weird animal that seemingly only exists to feed one’s ego. At
least how it’s being used. Everyone loves to talk about themselves and
there’s a certain vibe that something doesn’t truly happen in one’s
life until you share it with someone. I get that. It makes sense. But,
in actuality Twitter has a lot of possibilities that are a lot more applicable in everyday life that folks might benefit from.

Think
about it this way; A lot of us have an iPhone. There are all these
applications that can scarily notify folks where in town you [well…
your PHONE] is at a given time. Social Networking or Big Brother? Those
are too revealing in my opinion. Additionally, we all IM and text and
email and make calls to keep folks abreast of our whereabouts, why not
have the Twitter serve as a catch-all notification stop? People who
need to track you down are are wondering where you are can check there
for the latest to save the effort and response time. You adjust
accordingly and text the details to the people who need extra info:

“Joey,
my Twitter says I’m at the mall but I’m actually at the gay stripclub.
Meet me in the booth we first shared an espresso martini – Bruce”


Or, use the Twitter as a sample of things to come:

“Hey
readers, I finished my interview with Giovani Ribisi and it’s available
through the link below, but in short we spoke about Mod Squad, how
Scientology is fanciful, and about how The Other Sister is retard porn.”


Easy!

How not to use Twitter
(which is a fine idea in principle) is to do dumb shit that makes me
wish we’d never emerged from the sea all those years ago before people
invented religion. Stuff like:

Fake Celebrity Twitters (“I fucked three trannies last night – Fake Charlie Sheen”) – DUMB.

Useless Twitters (“Going to walk across the room and pick up a pencil.”) – DUMB.

Poetry Twitters Geared Towards One Person – (“In rest you and I will be kindred but until then you will only know me as Loss.”) – DUMB.

Cryptic Twitters (“T and H are so full of shit because C didn’t do Y that night.”) – DUMB.

‘I’m Better Than You’ Twitters (“Man, this Playboy Mansion sure has good A/C and it sucked being forced to talk to Peter Jackson over filet mignon.”) – DUMB.

Intrinsic Detail Twitters (“Ordered
Steak. Sent text to Amos about weather balloons. Steak arrived. Picked
up salad fork – oops. Ate steak with dinner fork. Wiped mouth to clear
excess steak juice. Paid for steak. Drove home, but only after starting
car but only after opening door. Arrived at home with tingling colon.
Sat on the toilet and made it all happen. Stool bore telltale signs of
once being steak-like. Left voicemail with doctor asking how a steak
moved past five days of earlier eaten food so fast.”) – DUMB.


Twitter as Angst Beacon – (“My tai chi training has prepared me for this teleconference.”) – DUMB.


Twitter as Amateur Successories Storefront (“My will is divine and with God’s help I will challenge this day!”) – DUMB.

Twitter as Tree Falling in the Forest With No One Around (“Go Obama!”) – DUMB.

I
think it’d be interesting to see how this evolves. My hunch is that
like most things, people will tire of updating and it’ll stagnate.
Hell, MySpace has been a tomb of late. In the meantime I am proud to
have wasted your time on this totally irrelevant little item.

That being said, I ensure you that my Twitter will be as interesting as it can possibly be from this day forward.

-
Nick Nunziata believes we can all get along.


Scribble by Nick Nunziata.