follows is a scattershot bit of random thoughts, links, and images that
showcase the lunacy that exists in the entertainment world and beyond.
Folks who remember my old missives from the old Steady Leak articles
should find this kind of stuff familiar. Folks seemed to get a kick out
of the first installment, and each Wednesday should fall victim to
another installment. Don’t expect anything deep here but something may
tickle your fancy.
1. PETA is PISSED.
Mind control is everywhere. Sometimes it’s subtle, like the McDonalds location where is says “BILLIONS AND BILLIONS GO FUCK YOURSELVES” or the Shell Station advertising “FREE GAS TO GASTRONAUTS”. Imagine my surprise to be told in no uncertain terms how to be adorned with hair by the local furniture store Haverty’s on Abernathy Road in Atlanta. “HAVE FUR”. As if there’s nothing better to do with your Sunday. Luckily I am a total follower in life and carry the oft-dormant Yeti gene.
2. SUBSCRIBERS: 0.
What a fucked idea for a magazine. While there are always women who get all problem’d up with an oven outside the bun, it seems odd to have a magazine devoted to people who are only interested in your text while they’re growing an animal near their coccyx. Magazines look for consistent readership and the whole conceit of pregnancy is to get rid of the little cumbake. But, people keep on fuckin’ so I guess the editors are betting that they’ll need a magazine to help them figure our what brand of sutures to have the flesh between their noise and ass sewn up with after the Jarvis baby comes out swinging.
3. WHAT, YOU COULDN’T ADVERTISE A BRA EVENT INSTEAD?
Any car that sees this billboard, hits the brakes, and pulls in to pre-order a ticket to Prince Caspian instantly wins a free Final Destination log truck inserted into their immediate future.
4. VITO BRATTA AWAITS HIS TURN.
What hath Danny Elfman Wrought?
5. DON’T SITZEN BEFORE SPRITZEN!
Look, you motherfuckers are pissing toilets off all the way in Germany with your thoroughly careless pissing and shitting methods. If you feel the need to stand over the toilet while spritzen… give a try to sitzen. Germany has the highest per capita ration of sitting pissers in the world, aside possibly from Guam. But it must be noted than Guam also has the highest ratio of standing shitters which has to cause the numbers to be stunted. Those are knee-buckling statistics. Germany surprisingly comes in fourth in toilets with facial expressions, trailing Japan, Mesopotamia, and Zildew.
6. IF YOU DESCEND, DESCEND CASUALLY!
I love a sign that simply implores you use the stairs elegantly. It’s not saying that there’s any reason to hurry.
“No one’s rushing you. Take your time, Kool Kat. Walk with purpose and may your strides be even and cause you no sole damage. Have a great time, descender!” – THE SIGN
By the way:
“Root Beer makes my poops burp!”