Sarah Michelle Gellar keeps battering herself against the walls of your local multiplex; after a string of barely watchable teen-oriented horror films she seems to be trying to go the indie route. It’s been weird to watch her career never quite take off; who ever imagined that David Boreanaz would be the successful one?

Her latest indie effort is starring in an adaptation of Veronika Decides to Die, based on a novel by Paulo Coelho, a guy whose whole career is based on flim flamming money out of desperate losers looking for meaning in their lives. He’s a semi-mystical self help guru whose empty platitudes bring peace to millions of people wasting their hard earned money on his low level writing. I bet he’s also a dick IRL and hates puppies.

Veronika Decides to Die is about a woman who attempts suicide and fails; when she wakes up from a coma she is told that the attempt damaged her heart and she has a week to live. In that week she learns all sorts of meaningful lessons about life and love and oh my god this makes me want to kill myself and get it right the first time. But she’s not really dying – her doctor just tells her that so she’ll have a breakthrough. Spoiler! Fuck this book!

Veronika is being directed by Emily Young, who previously directed Kiss of Life, a movie whose synopsis also fills me with inchoate rage:

Helen lives in London with her father and her kids. John, her husband,
works in Eastern Europe. Taking the kids to school one morning, Helen
is killed in a car accident. Many miles away, in war-torn Eastern
Europe, John is unaware that his wife has died. As he tries to reach
home, Helen must stand by helplessly as she remains caught in limbo,
trapped between life and death.