marvel-fifty-shadesI’m here to join the chorus of warning, Marvel fans… On August 1st, 2014 a Universal film based on Twilight BDSM fan fiction will open against Marvel’s Guardians of the Galaxy, and  it will be #1. I’ll make the requisite caveats right away: maybe Marvel will crack this property in such a way that it will be irresistible to audiences, and perhaps Universal will cheap out on Fifty Shades Of Grey and fail to engage a fanbase of book-owners larger than both The Hunger Games and the Dragon Tattoo series.

All things being equal however, Marvel is in for a spanking the first weekend in August.

Fifty Shades has its director, and you can expect casting and production to start moving along at a steady clip. It’s the kind of cultural phenomenon that has absorbed the less-than-mainstream elements and made them mainstream, made that part of its reputation. If you’re of a competitive mind on culture, spend the next year preparing yourself emotionally. Look for the good in our world and steel yourself with it, lest you read ominous things in the success of an R-rated Twilight BDSM fan fiction over… alright, well, it’s going to beat a movie with a space ranger tree and a talking raccoon. How about we just all agree to call a mulligan on this one and let go of whatever happens?