I try to remain objective and dispassionate when the subject of classic remakes comes up week in and week out. Most of the time the news rolls right off my back.

But, really? Fuck this shit.

Shock ‘Til You Drop has the exclusive bowel cancer…I mean story…that Platinum Dunes is in talks with Paramount to produce a remake of Rosemary’s Baby. If this sentence delivers your first awareness that the original was Roman Polanski’s adaptation of Ira Levin’s novel, please go read another website.

Dunes is looking for a writer to crap out a script, likely knowing that there’s a legion of hungry scribes out there right now.

This is currently only an ‘in talks’ situation, and hopefully it’ll stay that way. The source story is more suspicion and intellect than shock, so it might end up without real earning potential. If the company wants something more overt, I’ll stand silently by while they remake It’s Alive or Home Alone 2.

I’m usually willing to bet that a remake could conceivably bring something new and valuable to the table, but this is one where I don’t see that happening, especially if it runs the Platinum Dunes playbook. Polanski was at the top of his game with the original — I wish there was a YouTube clip of William Fraker talking about how, while shooting Ruth Gordon talking on the phone through a doorway, Polanski instructed him to frame her so only her back was visible, and how he later watched entire audiences try to peek around the doorframe while watching the film.

If the remake has even a moment that suggests that sort of understanding of film craft, I’ll write an apology.

I’d say ‘thanks to Sado’ for the tip, but all things considered I think he’ll understand.