Because you always wanted to see Jennifer Jason Leigh paired with Ashton Kutcher in a ribald “indie sex comedy”…

Besides the horror of watching a great actress like Leigh work with a one-note doofus like Kutcher (the staggering talent who was excused from Cameron Crowe’s Elizabethtown to make way for the megawatt charisma bulb that is Orlando Bloom), there’s this uncomfortable fact to consider:  the director of Spread is David MacKenzie, who’s probably best known for getting Ewan McGregor to whip out his junk in Young Adam (not that Ewan needs much prodding to do that*).  So if you never wanted to see Kutcher’s Demi-pounder, Spread might be your first must-skip of 2009.

I don’t know if Kutcher’s career is cold enough to warrant a full-frontal cry for attention; that’s probably entirely dependent on the box office fate of this summer’s What Happens in Vegas.  I hate to be forced into the position of hoping for Kutcher’s career longevity, but, for Leigh’s sake, I honestly pray that the movie makes a bundle.  Leigh’s one of my favorite actresses going.  And while she’s a reputation for adventurousness, there’s no percentage in having to gawk at Kutcher’s junk at this stage of her career. 

Written by Jason Dean Hall, Spread is about the exploits of a fuck-happy cad who… well, what do you think he does?  Sounds like it could be Alfie.  Or The Pick-Up Artist.  Or the remake of Alfie.  Leigh will play a “thwarted lover”, which suggests she’s thrown over by Kutcher and isn’t happy about it.  And you thought Last Exit to Brooklyn was humiliating.

Kutcher’s production company, Katalyst, is mounting Spread with Barbarian Films.  Principal photography is scheduled to begin later this month.  Be strong, Jennifer.

*Nudity just isn’t a big deal for the guy.  I saw his bare ass on the set of The Island.