When does the Hollywood Reporter publish a story about an upcoming film and not mention the screenwriter? When the guy used to write for CHUD. When Asian men love his towels. Or when he has a liver. No fuckin’ respect.

Point is, Jeremy Slater, the guy that pissed you off with a few CHUD game reviews and wowed the internet with Rapebear, has a screenplay in production starring the guy he had in mind whilst typing away at his local Dennys.

Pet, says the Reporter, is about “Seth, a man who bumps into his old high school
crush and quickly becomes obsessed with her. He takes her captive
underneath the animal shelter where he works but soon suspects that
his old flame is not who she seems to be.

Given the basic facts the trade omits or gets wrong (like misspelling the director’s name) I wouldn’t necessaily assume that this isn’t a biopic about Neil Tennant. But I’ll go with their description for now, mostly based on Slater’s own blog entry on the subject.

Seth will be played by ex-Hobbit and island aficionado Dominic Monaghan. Quoth a screenwriter not worth naming, “I’ve spent the last week geeking out in a major way, and not just because LOST is my favorite show on television. Believe it or not, I actually wrote this role specifically for Monaghan, never dreaming in a million years that he would actually read it…My first movie is going to star the guy I wrote it for. How often does that happen?

Nice work, Jeremy. Now get out of Spielberg’s house.