MSRP: $44.95
RUNNING TIME: 598 minutes
• Commentaries on select episodes
• Cast Bios
• Trivia Quiz

The Pitch

"The kids are using the Internet to make women. Do something with that."

The Humans

John Mallory Asher, Michael Manasseri, Lee Tergeson, Seth Green and Vanessa Angel

The Nutshell

Wyatt and Gary are two High School losers who decide to use 64 megs of RAM to make a woman. Sure, she’s a little flighty and tends to not grant permanent wishes. But, she’s the only piece of ass that will acknowledge their existence. We get to watch the first two seasons of the show where the dynamics of virtual poon are debated with a woman that’s more fetching than Kelly LeBrock. Since the show was made for basic cable in the early 90s, nothing happened and we’re left with typical sitcom fodder.

The Lowdown

If you’re familiar with the original John Hughes film, then you already get the concept. Two kids in the Midwest use their computer to make a woman. Less than a hour old, she’s already got a broader world sense than the two geeks and she sets out to get them to make wishes that will improve their character. Such adventures involve talking with Einstein’s Brain, using a remote control to manipulate time and making bubble gum clones. Everything gets wrapped by the end of the episode and no one has to deal with any long-term effects.

Then, Adebesi came out of the kitchen with his cock out. He was screaming some nonsense in Nigerian, but all I saw was an angry AIDS infested man with a butcher knife. Needless to say, I took the pounding.

Weird Science has always been about the sexual underpinnings of two guys creating a woman to get what they want. But, as with most geeks, the duo can’t even relate to her. This comes across well in the series, much more than the film. The original Gary and Wyatt actually had a shot in hell of straightening up their act and gaining women. The television series Gary and Wyatt are the kinds of dweebs that can’t progress anywhere in a social setting without Lisa pulling some magic out of her ass to save them.

Sure, it’s going to be tough to chew at first. But, how else are we going to be able to capture its knowledge?

Vanessa Angel brings a beautiful face and a refreshed perspective to the role of cyber-genie Lisa. It’s not like she had to do much to take the production up a notch. She just has to smile, say the lines and not sound like she’s got a nine inch cock tucked between her legs. I’m sorry to the people that found Kelly LeBrock to be a piece of ass, but the deep manly voice only works on ScarJo and not on The Lady in Red. A deep voiced computer lady would scare the shit out of any Midwest teen in the real world. Hell, I think it says something about John Hughes when you consider how the first film was built around LeBrock being a sex symbol. Maybe the creator of Curly Sue and Home Alone wanted a cyber-trannie to come out of his word processor. The world will never know.

I’m dressed like Robert Palmer is waiting to feel me up.

The show follows a standard sitcom formula, as each episode was hammered out with the efficiency of most USA Network programs at the start of the 90s. A weekend evening show that lasts for thirty minutes before Duckman comes on. Hell, I remember watching this show first-run, as I waited for my favorite animated detective to hit the television. After setting through the five or so commentaries and the awful supplemental material, I learn that there wasn’t much more to the show than what laid upon the surface. Sometimes, things are really as lame as you remember.

Much better.

A&E is playing upon one thing with this release. They want your bizarre sense of nostalgia to play into your disposable income. There’s a lot of people out there that form this bizarre connection to anything they watched a handful of times when they were young. Hell, I’ve still got grown men yelling in my ear about the difference between Transformers and Shogun Warriors. I don’t give a damn, the shit doesn’t hold up. I know that it’s not just a problem of my generation, as I had to suffer through my parents fondly remembering their childhood by taking my sibling and I to all sorts of shit retro amusements.

If Mongo the Moon-Faced Boy doesn’t stop grinning, I’m going to use my magic to teleport your testicles to Uranus.

It’s time to move past the mediocre and the lame and spend our cash on releases that we would actually want to keep. This DVD is not one of them. But, I know there are several people out there who will make the purchase out of spite for logic. I just want to remind you of one thing. Gary (John Mallory Asher) knocked up Jenny McCarthy and ruined her for the rest of the world. She went from fun party girl on Singled Out to writing books about autistic kids and doing the deed with Jim Carrey. If you support this DVD, then you’re supporting that and it’s just wrong.

Hey, Chet! Tell Gary here what they did to assholes in The Emerald City.

The Package

The set is pretty standard for A&E’s television on DVD releases. Taking a cue from their Kids in the Hall packages, we get four discs loaded with commentaries and not a lot of extra material. Unless, you count cast bios and quickie trivia games to be the kind of things that get you to toss down forty dollars for an iffy show. The package is really lame and offers nothing to those that might be on the edge in regards to making the purchase. That’s why I can only recommend renting it on NetFlix.

5.0 out of 10