STUDIO: Universal Studios
MSRP: $29.98
RUNNING TIME: 89 minutes
• Boobie “Yule Log”
• Nuts about Pie
• Deleted Scenes
• Interview with Mr. Levenstein
• And Much, Much More!

The Pitch

"The American Pie films have gone past dumb and straight towards inane."

The Humans

John White, Jake Siegel, Meghan Heffern, Steve Talley, Christopher McDonald and Eugene Levy as the former SCTV star who’ll do anything for a check and a hot meal.

The Nutshell

Erik Stifler has just arrived in college and he’s trying to make his way as a freshman. He has some hang-ups with his new roommate, but it doesn’t matter as Cooze and Ryan are there to get him through anything. Erik’s older brother Dwight wants him to pledge with his fraternity, as they struggle to take on the rival GEEK fraternity. The Beta House has no plans on losing their fraternity home to these Geeks, so it’s up to the Stifler Brothers to score the poon and beat up nerds.

The freshmen never miss a bukkake practice. Too bad, the girl usually does.

The Lowdown

A second American Pie trilogy has found its way into the national pop culture collective. Hell, I’m a little perturbed by the fact that there was an initial trilogy of films about a Jewish kid in Michigan trying to fuck a pie. But, for those playing at home…most of the events of the prior movies are ignored. I’m not sure if that opens the playing field for those members of the readership that were on the fence. But, at least you don’t have to go through the tired tradition of understanding character development.

Dartmouth’s Women’s Studies program is the best in the country. Suck on that lemon, Gloria Steinem.

There is one thing that kept my interest throughout the DVD. That would have to be the sheer amount of nudity that the creative team forced upon the production. Whenever I felt like I might want to not watch the movie, somebody made the call to throw in a luscious pair of mammaries. I’m not sure if I should consider this a good thing, but it seemed as though the production was able to acknowledge its lack of story with the creative effort to use tits to hold the viewer’s interest. The act is so simple, but yet it starts a slippery slope for similar productions.

Will more people be able to forgive poorly made Direct-to-Video films if there are plenty of breasts to be seen? Will the more discerning viewer want some beaver shots in the future? How long will it be until American Pie: College Kids Crushing Pussy? If you would ask me for a quick rundown of the film’s story, you could confuse it for any number of campus comedies that fill the bottom racks of several video stores all over the planet. The only thing that makes this film stand out is Eugene Levy’s aging face crammed in between shots of tits and freshmen doing horrible things to impress upperclassmen.

Another year, another freshman and another victory for the Anal Intruder.

Many of you haven’t seen The Naked Mile or Band Camp, so you might not be ready for the major changes over the American Pie theatrical releases. Somewhere during the transition from Universal to sister company Rogue Pictures; the powers that be said that they shouldn’t have to fake a script anymore. I know that I must seem like I’m repeating myself, but I want to drive home the point that I got out o this film after five viewings. Teenage/college entertainment is becoming the porn of the ignorant. It’s nothing more than mindless quick flashes of skin and vulgarity that tease the viewer into believing that they got enough of what they want.

The biggest thing working in the film’s advantage is the limited runtime. Much like porn, the studios that drop these Direct-to-Video bombs have an agenda and they know how to get the cash out of their target audiences. You start with a cold opening; you give them some tits and a joke, then the setup and then the lead girl. Hi-jinks happen in-between the scenes, while we get a pop culture reference or two. Then, Eugene Levy shows up to cash a check and wonders where his dignity went.

Look to your left, then look to your right. These are the people that will spend the next four years of your life date raping you, sticking your toothbrush up their ass or finding ways to hide pot in your shampoo bottle.

In the end, I’ve got an odd sort of appreciation for what’s been put in front of me. It’s a cash-in on a studio’s hit comedy franchise that has nothing new to say. But, it’s coming closer and closer to getting Middle America ready for hardcore fucking in legit films in the near future. The Simpsons used to joke about how FOX was slowly going to turn into a porn station over the course of a decade, but Universal took the ball and ran for the touchdown. There’s something subversive hiding in the intentions of the creative team and I have to say that I like it.

The Package

The DVD is a pretty standard release for a gross-out teen sex comedy. You get a look at the Greek Games and a chance to see what all goes into the festivities. There’s the standard EPK material that feels like filler material and goes nowhere. But, what makes the package come together is the Boobie Yule Log. You get four different scenes of bouncing breasts set to Christmas music.

It’s the only thing about this DVD that tried not to pretend what it was. The Boobie Yule Log gives the teenagers and the college kids what they want to see. Hell, I’d go so far as to say that it was better than the film. At least, I can remember the order of the songs that were played in the Yule Log featurette. I still can’t remember how Beta House ended and that was after multiple viewings. But, if your film series starts with a dick in a pie and ends with Christmas Boobies…you get what you get.

Who do you call when Jason Biggs, Chris Klein and Shannon Elizabeth have moved on? Well, you get the Levy.

6.6 out of 10