Please send letters. Writes:

My name is Paul Christensen from I was
slightly appalled by your cry babyish, vagina monologue "Steady Leak"
entry where you go on about "a site" not linking to your 10,000 B.C
trailer exclusive. I have been a longtime fan of you and your writers. I think
you have some of the best and funniest minds on the Internet.

While our demographic is vastly different on some level,
I always look to you guys for interesting stories, and whenever I see something
that I find our audience might enjoy, I go out of my way to make sure you guys are
linked. Even putting the link up numerous times throughout the piece. On
occasion, I get will get a link wrong on a source. Recently, I put a .com
behind both IESB and Moviehole.

Whoops. But I fixed it and life goes on. It was an honest
mistake that came from typing too fast to get a story up. I have it on pretty
good authority that the "person" you wished some very ugly things on
in your piece didn’t realize that you had the exclusive up on your site and
fixed the link when it came to "their" attention. (Just to note, we had both you and G4 linked
in our piece).

This wouldn’t normally bother me. I sometimes enjoy your
"hate" pieces where you bring a bunch of negative energy into
the room.

Except for the fact that you guys have done this EXACT
same thing in the past! And hey, I’m sure it was an honest mistake. But it
still makes me want to call you a cock taco and a douche dog. Here at movieweb,
we don’t often do first-runs of the kind of "scoops" that bring you
guys traffic. But sometimes we do, on the off occasion, score a bit of news
that you guys feel like mentioning.

Understandable that this doesn’t happen a lot. But the
one time we have a scoop that you guys are actually interested in, YOU CREDIT
SOMEONE ELSE’S SITE! Here is the link:

While I know its not the kind of exclusive clip 10,0000
B.C. is, you guys totally screwed up the link (though if you click on it, it
doe takes you to our site). I thought it was funny. I like Moviehole, so I
don’t mind traffic going to them. I
didn’t go run a full page ad in Variety magazine wishing horrible things on
you, making blase comments about babies and orifices. When you bitch and call
names, and wish negative things on people about the exact stuff you do, you,
too, are keeping the Internet pussinanigans alive and kicking.

Sometimes wrong links are an honest mistake. You’ve been
running this site since before Spider-Man 2 came out. You should know that.

And please, if you run this letter in one of your mailbag
pieces, can you make sure you link it to Moviehole. Thanks. (don’t forget that
they’re a .net) -PC!

Nick Replies: I don’t know about the piece in question but I do know that we’re among the bestest of the bestest when it comes to running fair coverage and not being biased assmanagers in regards to whom we link to. In short, we are fucking mana from Heaven.

Anyhow, my Leak article was written in 11 seconds and not representative of some great thought. I just saw a little of the ol’ injustice and lent a hand like Thor’s Hammer except meatier and more Thor-y.

For that you are welcome.

I’ll check out sometime soon and tell you what I think.

Kevin Writes:

Nunziata, you madcap bastard. "P.S. I Nightfuck Your Butt" is
definitely a flick for which I’d pay to see in IMAX 3D!

Nick Replies: Goddamn right you would.

Darren Writes:

I’m sure this is just
a non-thing on the internet, but I thought I’d pass it your way anyway after
your Steady Leak column.

I was just being bored on the internet tonight using StumbleUpon when this
picture showed up. It seems to be on some random server and I can’t back
it up at all…probably just fan art. Maybe you’d like to see though.

Nick Replies: I get an email or an IM a day about this. Apparently it’s a fake and has been fake ever since the first time it was sent to us in November or October. Or it’s real and the Abrams crew is doing cartwheels making us think it’s fake when it is real. I think I know the skinny on the film now and I think it involves a bunch of guys summoning a creature through either a role-playing game or some bizarre ritual masquerading as one. I bet we’ll know in a month!

Richard Dreyfus Writes:


Nick Replies: In a perfect world Richard Dreyfus would email me asking why we aren’t best friends and if I’d be interested in coming over to his house to watch the director’s cut of The Goodbye Girl (the one where Marsha Mason turns out to be Quetzalcoatl). Instead, I get an email from the guy simply asking whose ass he punched. Apparently word finally got back to him reminding him of his Poseiden set-visit Hadoken to Devin Faraci and he’s coming around these parts to find out what the fuck’s going on. What’s going on Richard, is that you are a sweet bearded man and should be my best friend of all time.

Ken Writes:

Great to see the Leak back in it’s
entirety. I feel bad, what with you dedicating a large chunk of your time
to keep me entertained for a relatively short one, so to balance things out, I
figure I’ll thank you for taking the time to crank one of these bad boys out.

That being said, I hope this doesn’t interfere with the Shrinking Pants Bulge
(greatest new feature. GREATEST.) I look forward to my daily CHUD fix on
Friday mornings because of it. Every week there’s something in there that
makes me laugh out loud, which can get akward at work.

Keep up the good work, man.


Is Grizzly Park going to get a wide release? I live in the Great White
North (Vancouver), and I hope I get a chance to see it in a theatre*

* I’m Canadian. Deal with it.

Nick Replies: My schedule got a little manhandled this month, thanks to a much-needed vacation for my tenth anniversary, an ongoing rewrite of 11 Colonels ATTACK!, and a few others both great (film deal!) and horrible (another pet loss) or else there’d have been even more of those columns you dig. I’m back on the job though. Not excuses mind you, I will try and make up for lost time.

P.S. – Grizzly‘s release slate is an enigma wrapped inside a tootsie pop to me but I know that if it comes to your town and you buy a ticket you’re ages better than Nelson Mandela.

Andrew Writes:

Dear Christ that took me all day to read, and now I want
to share it with everyone I know. You have returned with a powerful Leak and I
never thought any article could be so long and still maintain it’s integrity
throughout. Plus, being from Portland I give bonus points for a Drexler

However – the band Asia was an 80’s band, not a 70’s

Nick Replies: Thanks for the nice words. Also, I am absolutely elated that I didn’t know enough about Asia.

Luke Writes:

Holy shit Nick, that leak was one for the
ages. Epic.

Also, the podcast is hilarious and adored. We’ve even played a
few of the episodes on the speakers at work so the
whole studio can listen. Please let Justin and
Steve know that there are at least a few guys a continent away
who are always eagerly awaiting the next instalment.

Oh, and cheers for consistently making me laugh out loud like a
lobotomized moron yet be completely incapable of explaining the joke
to the chuduninitiated when questioned and have to witness
their expression shift from eagerness to participate through the
nervousness of incomprehension before settling finally settling on discomfort and/or
pity. Thanks a bunch.


Nick Replies: We try. Also, one of the problems with my style of jokery is that it doesn’t translate well to secondhand repeats, and a lot of people simply don’t get or like it. Look at the entire run of RON for evidence of this.

Dan Writes:

I really
enjoyed Jeremy’s script review for Hitman, I wanted to know if you are going to
be posting his final thoughts on the film now that it’s in theaters. At 88 minutes (w/o credits) it felt like an
abbreviated version of a much better film/director’s cut to come. I really wanted to see the scene where Nika
tells 47 about how she lost her virginity (as mentioned in his review) and
another look at the Russian/Domestic trailers have shots/ sequences that were
nowhere to be found in the final film.
Despite the short run time and rapid fire cutting in the final action
sequence it’s still a very stylish-fun film with a lot of potential to be so
much more than it is and I hope Fox will allow Xavier Gens to share a much more
complete cut of this film in time.
Anything you can share would be appreciated. Love the site

Nick Replies: It’s up to him, I suppose. I personally don’t want to think too much about the flick anymore.

Gurlie777 Writes:

"Does anyone find Wanda Sykes anything less than
irritating? If so, can we murder her without repercussions?

how could you advocate murdering someone? what’s wrong
with you? don’t say "it’s a joke". It’s not funny.

Nick Replies: How’s about a merciful asteroid sizzling through the heavens and into her annoying fucking face? I don’t want anyone to murder her. See, that was a statement to make a point. She can die of natural causes if she’d like. Or, she can just trip and fall into outer space forever.

Patrick Writes:

Love the site, been reading it since the summer of 2005.
Which I guess isn’t that long, but whatever.

Anyway, I’ve always enjoyed the personality of the
writing a whole bunch. That patented CHUD sense of humor makes reading articles
worth it even I’m not interested in their subject (like Cloverfield or Justice
League). The addition of Beaks has been awesome, truly, but since he joined,
Devin’s writing seems to have suffered a bit. Maybe it was his move to LA,
maybe he’s been diagnosed with Sickle Cell, maybe it’s just me, but I don’t
feel the joy coming from his end anymore. He doesn’t do editorials anymore and
his cutting humor seems to have dulled a bit. Is he mellowing out in his old
age? I dunno, but I miss the old Devin*. Still love the site, especially the
way you wrapped up that Forgotten Monsters list (which was one for the books,
by the way). Stay great.

*Speaking of missing old friends, tell Micah to knock off
that whole "child-rearing" shit and come back to us.

Nick Replies: Devin’s still the man, and he apparently got his groove back. I won’t say that the site isn’t dealing with some growing pains right now, still trying to find the right combination of contributors and balances of humor and film coverage. That said, wherever we go, Devin will be part of it.

Matt Writes:

u have the funniest podcast that r
consistantly great

Nick Replies: Podcast>Education.