STUDIO: ThinkFilm
MSRP: $27.98
RUNNING TIME: 85 minutes
• Filmmaker and Cast Commentary
• Set Etiquette with Jay Ziebarth
• “Whip ‘em Out”
• Pigs Unrated Auditions
• The Making of Pigs
• Outtakes & Bloopers
• Bonus Scenes
• Trailer Gallery
• Pigs Trailer

The Pitch

Frat Guys make bets to bang girls by way of the Alphabet.

The Humans

Jefferson Brown, Darryn Lucio, Melanie Marden, Christopher Elliott, Ted Neal and Kelly Cunningham

The Nutshell

A couple of swingin’ frat guys throws their money in for a killer bet. Their leader Miles decides that he’s going to sleep with a coed according to the Alphabet. One night, he’ll crush a chick with the letter A in her name. Eventually, Miles will work his way down the line to the Z girl. His friends don’t believe that he can pull the Wilt Chamberlain Herculean feat off before he graduates. So, the bet is on to see if he can score some alphabetical tail.

The University of Brah – Truthknuckles since 1876.

The Lowdown

Pigs is a disappointment. It’s not one of the biggest disappointments of the year, since that would imply that I had any sort of expectations for this film. The film’s marketing places it somewhere between a raucous sex comedy and a warm-hearted romantic comedy. It fails at both, so I’m not sure were the film may find itself. In a few months, I’d peg it as being in a gas station bargain bin.

Director Karl DiPelino has made a name for himself with a successful series on Canadian television. But, the success doesn’t translate over. Lead Actors Jefferson Brown and Darryn Lucio aren’t convincing for a world that doesn’t require a lot for us to believe in their quest. Miles and the X Girl meet each other, the tables get turned and Miles has to learn about what his quest feels like for the girls he sleeps with during the school year. Given the awkward editing and story structure, you’re left hanging on an ending that goes nowhere.

She’s just like Evan Rachel Wood, except that she hasn’t known the dark touch of Marilyn Manson in her tubes.

Tack on a Sons of Butcher score that sounds like a Public Domain knock-off of Ira Newborn and you’ve got a lackluster film. But, here’s my real beef. If you have a movie called Pigs that’s dedicated to sexual exploits, you better give a girl or two some extra Cash and Tequila to whip a tit or two out. I thought I was watching Mormon Cinema, as everyone kept dicking around before they finally got to some real action. Don’t give me that shit about how the film is about finding love in a collegiate setting.

You don’t find love in college. That’s like showing up to your freshman dorm and expecting to find the One Ring crammed up the ass of your roomie. College is about crushing chicks and chasing pussy. When those two things are so grossly ignored, I have a hard time taking the film seriously. Don’t try and change my worldview, just show me tits and some reasonable dialogue coming out of the girl’s mouth. Hopefully her head will be off-camera.

Competitive pissing always requires a spotter and a medical assistant at all times.

The Package

Pigs comes to us in a rather decent special edition from ThinkFilm. You get a commentary with the cast and director, which is nice. But, it really doesn’t explain the schizo nature of the film. There are a couple of fluff featurettes that actually contain more action than the main feature. But, that’s not such a hard thing to do.

Outtakes, bloopers, audition reels and bonus scenes flood the remainder of the disc and I’m left yawning. When the main feature is god awful, no amount of special features can cover up the stink. I know that there’s going to be a ton of people to refute the claims by bringing up the Troma films. Well, watch the Troma stuff when you’re not chemically altered and tell me if you want to make an appointment for a viewing. It’s a hard thing to create an intelligible work that touches upon all of your ideas.

If you want to participate in The Squid and the Whale LARP group, you’ve got to first make a deposit.

I don’t fault the filmmakers for attempting such a task with this film. It’s just that it didn’t work out for them this time. Maybe, they’ll be able to tweak what didn’t work and find a compromise between the demands of the audience and their personal vision. I wish them luck in their endeavors and judging by the DVD set, ThinkFilm seems to want to support these guys. Take that for what you will, the DVD is currently available via the CHUD link from Amazon.

37, woman? Try 377. All I need is a bottle of Scope and a funnel.

3.8 out of 10