the sound of Michelle Trachtenberg trying to fuck her father (Matthew Perry) as a seventeen-year-old boy (Zac Efron) get you hot? What’s that? You’d just prefer the sight of Trachtenberg performing lazy, heroin-fueled sex with Perry in a dingy motel room off of Route 6 in Freemont, Ohio? Me too.

Sadly, this is not a likely scenario in that Burr Steers-directed, Adam Shankman-produced ripoff of Big (or Freaky Friday, or Vice Versa, or Like Father Like Son, or 18 Again) called 17. But young Ms. Trachtenberg will evidently play the daughter of Perry’s character, and, in the tradition of Back to the Future (this movie’s just full of original notions), she will make a play for his seventeen-year-old incarnation. As for how he winds up being seventeen again, I’m sure it involves some variation of tarot cards, ancient artifacts and Carlton Fisk.

Also joining the cast of 17 – which, by the way, was written by Jason Filardi, who last dazzled us with Bringing Down the House – is Melora Hardin, whom we all know and love from the American version of The Office. She’s good. But she’s not good enough to spark my interest in this derivative nonsense (though I wonder if she’s ever passed through Freemont, and, if so, where she stayed).

New Line is responsible for 17, which begins shooting this month. It’ll also co-star the wonderful Leslie Mann as Perry’s wife. I’m glad she’s working, but I’ve a feeling she’ll be wasted on this material.