MOD Get Even

The Film: Geteven* (aka Road to Revenge, aka Champagne and Bullets)

The Principles: Starring John De Hart, Wings Hauser, Pamela Bryant and William Smith. Written by John De Hart. Directed by John De Hart and James Paradise.

The Premise: Ex-LAPD detective Rick Bode finds his social life intermingling with some corrupt cops and a cult of baby-sacrificing Satan-worshippers when his hot, blonde girlfriend is targeted by the group, as well as an evil nemesis from the past. Rick (along with his alcoholic ex-partner Huck Finney) uses his martial arts skills to whoop some bad guy ass, quote a little Shakespeare and he even finds time to perform the “Shimmy Slide” to the delight of everyone!

Is it any good?: No! However, it is a cinematic catastrophe of such epic proportions it actually somehow manages to transform itself into an amazing work of art that you can definitely add to the steadily growing list of Z-grade films receiving cult status based on the entertainment value of their filmmaking ineptness. It was shot in 1993 on 16mm and finished in 2010 after a couple of pick up shots were added. The result is another perfect example of inter-dimensional cinema so mind-roastingly insane; it can instantly be branded a Holy Fucking Shit! classic.

Los Angeles narcotics officer Rick Bode (John De Hart) and his partner Huck Finney (Wings Hauser) are set up by the maniacal Normad (William Smith) in an opening scene drug bust, which results in the two officers being stripped of duty. Rick gets a job as a limo driver while Huck becomes a full-blown alcoholic. Both of their lives are turned upside down when they enjoy an evening of drinking and carousing with several young ladies at a local country and western club. After some prodding, Rick takes the stage and performs a rousing rendition of the “Shimmy Slide”, which could quite possibly be the greatest song ever created by man. Suddenly, Rick’s lady Cindy (Pamela Jean Bryant) is confronted by a couple of weird jerks and a barroom brawl ensues. We soon discover that the two thugs are a part of Cindy’s past she would rather forget. She very innocently became a member of something that began as a social group and ended up turning into a coven of Devil-worshipping baby killers… and now they’re after her! When Rick discovers that his archenemy Normad (who happens to now be a powerful judge) is the leader of this fiendish cult, he sets out on a bloody mission of revenge.

But even with all of these crazy events happening, Rick still finds time to have three of the longest and most awkward looking sex scenes ever filmed with the ex-Playboy playmate cast as his gal, Cindy. One of them is a fireplace seduction in which our middle-aged hero uses ice cubes from a champagne bucket to stimulate his lady. Another is a slow motion hot tub tryst with a bizarre fishnet and seashell backdrop set up behind them. Rick finally makes an honest woman out of her and they get hitched, which leads into a steamy honeymoon sex scene where the two make love in a bed with a hideous painting hanging over them that looks like two Na’vi from Avatar screwing each other. The art direction in this movie is off the hook! Not long after the two are married, Normad dispatches his goons who chase the couple while they’re riding on a motorcycle, resulting in an accident that costs the life of Rick’s new bride. With the help of his boozed up buddy Huck Finney (who often compares his life to the Mark Twain character he was named after) they launch a full-scale attack on the bad guys with guns blazing.

Writer, Co-Director and star John De Hart has crafted “an American story” that dares to tackle the hard issues of police corruption and demon worshipping. He’s a real life certified lawyer and this movie was a passion project for him. His character of Rick Bode is the embodiment of the all-American man, with his natural country charm, incredible singing voice, fanatastic mustache and an amazing wardrobe consisting of track suits, cowboy hats and American flag shirts tucked into black leather pants. In addition, he can quote Shakespeare’s Macbeth at the drop of a hat and he composed and performed all of the original songs featured in the film, including the life-changing “Shimmy Slide.” Hit play and experience its skull-crushing awesomeness for yourselves:

I must also mention the brain-searing performance of everyone’s favorite loose cannon actor, Wings Hauser (Vice Squad). It is quite clear from every scene he’s in that Wings is starring in his own separate movie. He appears to be doing a method approach with his character of an alcoholic, which results in long, rambling monologues that make little sense. He slurs Mark Twain references while picking a fight with an extra in one scene, chills out fully clothed in a swimming pool with two thonged babes in another, and occasionally has incoherent conversations with a dummy that’s dressed like an American Indian. If you enjoy tweaked out Wings Hauser performances under the influence then this is his finest work and some of the best drunk acting I’ve ever seen before. He puts Garey Busey and Jan Michael Vincent to shame.

Is it worth a look?: Have you ever wanted to see a dancing poodle fed a spoonful of ice cream? If the answer is “Hell, yes!” then everyone on the planet needs to get pissed drunk and watch the living shit out of this movie. It’s a hard one to get your hands on, but worth every insane second. I recently attended a sold out screening of this film at The Cinefamily here in L.A. with John De Hart in person. It had a limited run at an old theatre in Detroit awhile back and if all goes well it could possibly become the next Miami Connection. Yes, it’s that awesomely bad.

Random anecdotes: John De Hart announced at The Cinefamily that a script for Geteven 2 exists and could one day be made. We can only hope and dream that this will someday come to fruition.

Cinematic soul mates: The Room, Mad Foxes, Birdemic!, Deadly Prey, Dangerous Men, Miami Connection and Parole Violators.

* That’s not a typo on my part, but exactly how the title of the film is spelled in the opening credits.