I’m not wise. I’m just observant. And only partially filled with shit.
So, in what is morphing into a "Leak a Day, Five Days a Week" habit,
here’s another bit of light fare for the tail end of the week. A little sage
advice. In the future, this may be a fun "Dear Abby" style column if
you folks support it.

Sage advice, like "Don’t be in Rocky 5!". That’s very good Sage advice. Here’s some more…

  1. Does anyone find Wanda Sykes anything less than irritating? If so, can we murder her without repercussions?

  2. Shame on you for allowing Saw IV to gross 62,229,000+ thus far.

  3. My wife and I are two weeks away from celebrating our ten year wedding anniversary, but I think you’ll agree that it pales in comparision to the fact that Box Office Guru is also celebrating its ten year anniversary of having no need for anything above HMTL 1.0.

  4. Rock Band. You know, for another couple hundred dollars you can buy your own real instruments and learn to play real music. Possibly even original music and not have to live in the past and play the Simon of the next millenium. Maybe… gasp!… you can do something that isn’t Emo or Screamo or even Peabo!

  5. Thanksgiving. I like this holiday because it’s not all that religious and you don’t have to stress out about giving and receiving and all that jazz, but whomever came up with the saying "Happy Turkey Day" needs to be annihilated by wolves with matted fur. Also, resist the temptation to tell everyone on your MySpace friends list that you’ll be gorging yourself today or that you’ll be away with family. Heck, you don’t even need to wish folks a happy holiday. Just eat your shit and enjoy your family/friends/purchased Asian. And be ready to be useful tomorrow.

  6. The Munchkins from The Wizard of Oz just got a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame (link). The spin on the story is that these guys have long since been due and it’s a triumph for actors who’ve lived long and hard lives, unsung heroes all. Fuck the Munchkins right in the small.

  7. Jesus, don’t scare me! Variety, just ran an article for which the headline ‘Lambert to receive FWTV Prize‘ was all that showed up on my RSS reader. For the sake of us all, please use the person’s first name! I had to go over to their site just to make sure that nobody was giving Christopher Lambert a goddamn thing in this world. That was a close one. For a second I was afraid someone was going to justify his repeated efforts to be relevant.

  8. Macy’s Thanksgiving Parade. If the Cenobites took over and shot chains into every boy and girl and dragged them through Manhattan as evidence of mankind’s failings, it’d be better than this amazing car crash of horrible. Then again, it’d be better than pretty much anything.
  9. From the director of American Gigolo? Damn. Can you imagine how fucked a movie is to be resting on those laurels? Might want to fire The Other Sister and get a new marketing project manager.

    Note: You don’t have to agree or believe the above statements.