Frankenstein’s Monster. Dracula. Freddy Krueger. Leatherface. Godzilla. Henry Kissinger. These are some of the monsters whose names get evoked every year at Halloween, the monsters with the highest Q ratings and maybe their own personal publicists. But there are many more monsters out there, monsters who kill, terrorize and stalk their prey far outside of the limelight. For the next few weeks, we’re going to be paying tribute to these Forgotten Monsters of Filmland.
Some of these monsters are just a successful film away from making the mainstream. Some were more popular years ago and have fallen out of favor. Some are just sort of utterly bizarre. Some of these monsters will be familiar to the loyal readers of CHUD.com, while others will make just about everybody scratch their head. All of them deserve more love. That’s where we come in.
Probably a bad idea to bring Tandy back for Driving Another Miss Daisy.
Name: Tequila Worm (unofficial)
AKA: Vomit Creature, Reverand Barf, Puke Floorcrawler, On a Scale of One to Ten I’m Regurgiteight, Midget in a Mansuit, The Cabo Wobble, Spew Sutcliffe, Jessica Bile.
Appearances: Poltergeist II: The Other Side (1986)
Monster Type: Wet Heave
Its Place in the Film: First of all allow me to apologize if this entry steals a little thunder from our next CHUD.com list: The 50 Best Things to Come Out of Craig T. Nelson.
The Tequila Worm makes his first appearance in a bottle of tequila that Daddy Freeling (Craig Tiberius Nelson) is enjoying to cope with life’s many trials and tribulations as well as building a buzz in case he’s the next member of cast and crew to die unexpectedly.
32,098 people connected to the Poltergeist series have died unexpectedly, leading to what folks call “The Poltergeist Curse”. Granted, 32,095 were just people who saw Poltergeist in theaters or on VHS. The number can be adjusted to 32,099 if you consider Tom Skerritt’s mustache a ‘person’.
He drinks the worm. Unlike in real life where the only result of swallowing the worm is a subsequent purchase of an airbrushed t-shirt, he becomes the host to a reincarnated minister/cult leader. It happens.
Like a bloated, balding broodmare Nelson develops the burgeoning beast inside him and its meanspirited ways lead him towards becoming a Bad Dad. Thankfully his love of his family [even the ugly boy kid] causes him to first retch and then finally give premature oral birth to his belch reverand, apparently early in the Third Triminister. It lacks fully developed limbs, which pleases members of the Amputee Actor’s Guild, and hisses before wobbling away to become a larger, more bluescreen-friendly apparition.
Distinguishing Characteristics: Wet exoskeleton. Looks a little too much like Julian Beck for my tastes. Arms resemble delicious green chicken wings. Did I mention wet?
Why It Is Forgotten: It may be the most memorable moment in this sequel, but the fact remains that this somewhat decent flick is totally a blank in the pantheon of horror flicks and the Poltergeist series in general tends to be a blip on the radar when compared to such beloved horror staples like Friday the 13th, A Nightmare on Elm Street, and Cheaper by the Dozen.
Why It Shouldn’t Be Forgotten: Drink Me and Puke Me is a helluva business model for a spirit of vengeance and Craig T. Nelson’s tummy womb, once thought to be barren, yields terrific latex bounties.
Lactation was never so weird.
Name: Throwing Starfish
AKA: Tossed Latex. Rubbermaid.
Appearances: Rock ‘n Roll Nightmare (1987)
Monster Type: Dimestore
Its Place in the Film: John Triton and his heavy metal band have come to an abandoned Canadian farmhouse to record their next awesome heavy metal album, but little did they know that the land is cursed and the home of none other than… SATAN!!!!
Or maybe John Triton does know, for beneath his hard-rocking, hard hair-spraying persona he’s actually an archangel, sent down to Earth to do battle with the Beast (after everybody else in his band dies). And in the midst of this titanic tussle, Satan throws at Triton his most awesome and unbeatable weapon: rubbery starfish!
Distinguishing Characteristics: Floppy. Has an eyeball in the center. Must be held into place by the person they are attacking.
Why It Is Forgotten: Rock ‘n Roll Nightmare is one of the great films of Canadian cinema, which alone explains why it’s forgotten. But the film suffers from the fact that body building heavy metal frontmen just weren’t as popular post Nirvana. Damn you, Kurt Cobain! Damn you and your grunge rock!
Why It Shouldn’t Be Forgotten: Honestly, anyone who has seen John Triton (in ‘real’ life known as gimmick rocker (and Canadian) John Mikl Thor), dressed in a leather diaper with his hair teased to the sky, grasping at these starfish and holding them against his own oily, sweaty flesh will never forget them. Or have normal sexual habits.
- Devin Faraci