’ve known for some time that Crank 2 would be filming next year with Jason Statham returning as Chev Chelios, but we never knew how the film would address the finale of the original – Chev falls hundreds of feet from a helicopter and dies. Variety, the mostly useless trade magazine that just steals stories from the internet and allows hack writers to afford single bedroom apartments while I continue living with a roommate in my middle 30s, has picked up the story that Empire ran weeks ago about Statham returning for Crank 2, but they also added some new details. Hey, you didn’t totally suck ass this time, Variety!

According to the rag, the plot of the film sees a Chinese gang leader stealing Chev Chelios’ indestructible heart (I guess that explains surviving into the next film) and replacing it with a battery operated one that needs constant shocks to stay beating. I’m not sure why you would bother replacing the heart at all, but fuck it, this is a sequel to Crank.

Speaking of crank, directors Mark Neveldine and Brian Taylor best stock up on some. They’re going to be shooting Crank 2 back to back with Game, their dystopian MMORPG thriller starring the abs of Gerard Butler. I hope to do a Crank 2 set visit so I can see what actual near fatal exhaustion looks like!