frantic spectacle that is the casting of George Miller’s Justice League of America is beginning to resemble a hobo on a shopping spree at a 99-cent store. Forced to lower their sights after B-lister Jessica Biel spurned their Wonder Woman offer (she’s too busy trying to be the next Julia Roberts without the $100 million successes), the production is now flirting with every kinda-hot, sorta-known young actor currently unattached to a major feature. And since everyone’s been booking work straight into next June in anticipation of a multi-union strike for months now, it’s quite possible Miller and company will be settling for second or third choices out of this already compromised casting pool.

This is how, if Dark Horizons has it right, you end up with Rupert Evans as Superman.

The most loathed aspect of Guillermo del Toro’s first Hellboy – he didn’t bother me, but when a guy’s acting opposite a hulking red beast with sanded-down horns, I have a very high tolerance for bland – can’t be anyone’s ideal Superman. That he’s British is sure to rile the jingoists who believe the Man of Steel is the sole property of American thespians (as opposed to Djangoists, who believe all our worldly possessions are the sole property of Franco Nero), but I have a bigger problem: he’s 5’10" and might lose in a fistfight with D.J. Qualls.

If this is the direction in which Miller’s headed (and this could be 100-percent wrong!), I’d recommend that he go drag Jose Canseco off the Hold ‘Em tables at the Bicycle Casino in Bell Gardens, and get young Mr. Myers on a ramped-up ‘roid schedule. ‘Cuz, as of right now, boy ain’t fit to play Plastic Man.