Anytime an extended theatrical trailer has to spend a full three minutes explaining in gratuitous detail its basic reason for being (i.e. its hook), it’s time to worry. That’s why the geniuses at New Line have are taking no further risks with the $150 million-plus investment that is The Golden Compass; the bastards have activated the Hypno-Craig. Unfortunately, they were a bit hasty; with the film’s theatrical release a good two months away, all they’ve accomplished is the spurring of record DVD pre-sales for The Invasion.

On the positive side o’ things, there’s a lot of f/x eye candy in this trailer. And Sam Elliot. And a monkey administering an absolutely epic beatdown on a cat because a little girl won’t share her heirloom with a platinum blonde Nicole Kidman (thus recalling this immortal video). These are happy things. I just wish I had a better sense of why the monkey threw down on that cat, and, most importantly, why I should give a shit.

Hopefully, I’ll finally fall in love with the idea of this movie when I drop by Rhythm and Hues next Monday to check out some finished footage. But if I black out for six hours and wake up nude in my own bed, covered in copies of Enduring Love… we’ll know why.