Remember when Vin Diesel had ambitions? He wasn’t going
to make any more movies like The Fast And the Furious. No, it was all interesting
stuff for him. He was going to make smart movies. He had a company to make
smart video games. He was going to walk down the street every day and give
packets of Smarties to starving children. He was poised to be a messiah.

And he could get away with it because he was the voice of
the Iron Giant, and that performance makes me cry every fucking time. Don’t
pretend you’re any different.

Now Diesel is no different from regular working schlubs
in the business, because he’s talking about reuniting with Paul Walker for a
fourth film in the Fast/Furious franchise. Justin Lin will add more topical cyanide to his
career by directing. Is Diesel doing this to help get Hannibal The Conqueror
made? By the time Babylon A.D. comes out next year will it matter?

But there’s one thing we can be happy about with this
story: it’s a chance for the trades to show a rare, if thalidomide-stunted
sense of humor. Says the Hollywood Reporter about the film: "The story line is
being kept under wraps, but fast cars are involved.
" I hope the mag starts covering adult films soon. "We can’t tell you what it’s about, but we suspect there will be ejaculations." Come to think of it, that could probably describe The F4st 4nd The Furious as well.