Paramount Home Video
MSRP: $38.99
RATED: Not Rated
RUNNING TIME: 180 minutes
• You’re special for buying it

The Pitch

“Flava Flav’s runner-up gets her own show.”

The Humans

Sister Patterson, Tiffany Pollard, a guy named Real, a guy named Whiteboy and Chamo

The Nutshell

VH-1 realized that if MTV can turn into a lame reality show channel, then they might as well hitch their wagon to that flaming bag of shit and make some cash with a younger demographic.

The Lowdown

I Love New York: The Complete First Season brings to DVD the worst dating show this side of the veritable syndicated shitfest that fills the airwaves. The show begins as the runner-up from Flava of Love: Season 1 gets her pick of men for a new companion. It’s a sad state of affairs where the loudest, nastiest person from a rather lame show can get their own spin-off. That would be like if Cheers ended and they gave Carla a show. It’s just wrong.

I kept waiting for Fake, but he never showed up.

Now, don’t do the whole bit about New York was a real person and this is a reality show. Randomly picking a guy to fuck amongst twenty something men isn’t reality. It’s a chance for a bunch of losers with some crap to promote to get some face-time on a major cable channel. They come up with a fake persona, while New York sacrifices virgins to extend her fifteen minutes of fame. Well, there are no live sacrifices…I just like to imagine what goes on behind the scenes.

I have to imagine something creative happens, because everything that happened on-camera were the most generic chunks of shit. I don’t care about the guys fighting amongst themselves like a couple of crack whores going after the last rock. No one has a personality on the show. Hell, it’s not until the finale that at least one of the guys does something that even resembles normal human behavior. The show’s nothing more than a calculated fantasy programmed for people who believe that the Federlines were the closest thing to American royalty.

So, they got Guile and Blanka to fuck. A few years brewing in a test tube and here I am to drop the sexin’ on you.

As I finished the third disc of this set, my brain died a little. This isn’t hyperbole. I was about ten minutes away from the end of the finale and I felt a little pinch up inside of my nose. My eyes started to twitch a little and then I came to realize that this show is going to make my head explode. I wasn’t going to blow up Scanners style over a dating show, so I turned it off before I got to see who she picked. Knowing the kind of people that visit this site, I can rest well assured that nobody on the message boards will know. Well, maybe Duke Fleed.

Caption by Committee: We all voted for this to be the shot to ruin your weekend.

The Package

I Love New York: The Complete First Season is a standard TV on DVD set that gives most of its disc space over to the presentation of the episodes. Four episodes are on each disc, with enough data given to take the video quality to the best that Standard Definition can afford. It was really surprising to see such a crisp transfer on a dating show. But, you never know what to expect when you crack open a set now.

You can put a label on anyone.

The audio was a standard mix that accentuated what little it had to do. It would’ve been nice to have some in-depth special features on here, but I’m glad that they didn’t push it. Nine times out of ten, you get saddled with EPK material or stupid games that have nothing to do with the show. Still, it’s a pretty limited set with a pretty hefty price tag for the content.

Flava Flav left his seed in this woman and then VH-1 tried to sell her off to a random man. What kind of fucked up world do we live in?

4.6 out of 10