Back in February, one Ian Arbuckle launched a new feature that was to be a companion-piece to our kickass Special Edition Column and kickass DVD Reviews, letting you kickass readers know about kickass releases from a kickass distro shingle. The Anchor Bay Upfront was born. And it kicked ass. Well now I’m here to pick up where Ian left off (Hi, I’m Jeremy. How are ya?). Do I kick ass? You’d better goddamn believe it. Let’s get this fucker floating again (see, it’s Anchor Bay, and that was a water joke…yeah? No? Okay, sorry.)

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Masters of Horror – The Washingtonians

Buy it from CHUD, bitches!BUY IT AT AMAZON: CLICK HERE!
MSRP:
$14.98
RATED: NR
RUNNING TIME: 57 Minutes
SPECIAL FEATURES:
• Feast on This: The Making of The Washingtonians Featurette
• Wigs, Teeth & Powder Featurette
• Blooper Reel
• Director and Writer Commentary
• Photo Gallery
• Script

I’ll be honest, I stopped watching Showtime’s Masters of Horror series after the first season. Barely more than a bloodier Tales From the Crypt, I found it to be a waste of (some) great filmmakers’ time and talents and found myself without any desire to spend any more time on the series. However, I obviously don’t speak for the majority here because the series rolls on, as does the subsequent DVD Releases. Hey look, here’s one now!

Oh those Founding Fathers, always up to something. Some loved the ladies, some loved the sauce and some loved to eat babies. What’s that? Oh yeah – George Washington was a cannibal with a penchant for babies and virgins. And of course, an unwitting family stumbles upon the secret as well as a few followers who’d like to continue the tradition. Do you dig period pieces? Cannibal Movies? Historical Epics? Conspiracy Theories? Then dig The Washingtonians! Still not convinced? Then keep your eyes open for Jeff Van Dreason’s dvd review right here on CHUD!

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Masters of Horror – Sounds Like

Buy it from CHUDBUY IT AT AMAZON: CLICK HERE!
MSRP:
$14.98
RATED: NR
RUNNING TIME: 60 Minutes
SPECIAL FEATURES:
• Aural Madness: The Making of Sounds Like Featurette
• The Cacophony of Sounds Like Featurette
• Director Commentary
• Photo Gallery
• Script

Next up in the Booty from the Bay (if typing this in Pirate Speak wouldn’t be a completely douchebag-y thing to do I would totally get all "Arr" on you guys) is another Masters of Horror Release – this time Brad Anderson’s Sounds Like.

Larry Pearce discovers that he has an amazing sense of hearing. Like amazing. However, he only discovers it after his son dies of a heart condition. As he succumbs to grief his hearing gets stronger and stronger and what we’re left with is a descent into madness and mourning culminating with a final, bloody(?) end. This one does actually sound similar to Umney’s Last Case from the similarly disappointing Nightmares and Dreamscapes anthology and I loved Umney’s. I may actually follow the CHUD link myself and give this sucker a little bit of my money.

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Unholy

Buy it from CHUD!BUY IT AT AMAZON: CLICK HERE!
MSRP: $26.98
RATED: NR
RUNNING TIME: 86 Minutes
SPECIAL FEATURES:
• Director and Writer Commentary
• Trailer
• Poster & Stills Gallery

I’m gonna go on record as saying that the direct-to-dvd horror movie is one of the unsung treasures in cinema. I doubt there’s any other genre in the direct-to-dvd market that can move so many units simply based on the cover art. And, believe it or not, some of the best horror around (especially in this new age of the PG-13 "horror movie") never saw the light of a theatrical release. And few distro houses work that market like Anchor Bay (I’m think I’m finally in full-on shill mode now).

So, we all know the Nazis sucked. Like, really really sucked. But, apparently, what we didn’t know is that they dabbled in time travel, invisibility, mind control and have somehow managed to make a young girl in today’s world shoot herself in the face with a shotgun right in front of her mother. Why? Well, we don’t know. But director Daryl Goldberg is definitely gonna try his hand at telling us. This actually sounded kinda cool until I discovered that the big Mystery Villain in the flick was called The Necromancer. Really? The Necromancer? It’s like we’re back in 8th grade creative writing class, but I digress. Ah well, at least there’s a creepy eye in somebody’s palm on the cover. I’d definitely rent that without a second look (If I keep this up they’re gonna put me in the pun-itentiary*. HELLO!).

*Yeah, so I stole that joke from Scrubs. Bite me.