an announcement that shocked absolutely no one, it’s been revealed that Owen Wilson has dropped out of Tropic Thunder. In case you’ve been using your internet for important things, like following the Gonzalez resignation or the US Government’s latest attempts to spark a war with Iran, Wilson tried to do himself in over the weekend, possibly after being mockingly mentioned as a Superman candidate in the Justice League movie by some vile and heartless web writer.

Wilson was scheduled to go to Hawaii and spend about a week shooting a small role in buddy Ben Stiller’s new movie, which would have been their ninth time together (and judging by some of the talent involved, their first good one together since 2001), but what with him being all suicidally depressed it was decided that this wouldn’t be the best time. It’s not clear whether the role will be recast or scrapped, according to Variety; that makes me think it was a cutesy walk-on part.

This answers only one of the questions about Owen Wilson’s future projects. He just signed on to make the mawkish dead dog movie Marley and Me, and The Darjeeling Limited will open in a few weeks – apparently he plays a guy who tried to commit suicide in that one, by the way. Then he has comedy Drillbit Taylor in March – how’s he going to do publicity for these films with this suicide attempt hanging over everything? Most uncomfortable roundtable ever!

I think this is the part of the article where I am obligated to deliver my best wishes to Owen and his whole family, on the off chance they’re scouring CHUD for info about whether or not Kevin Smith is directing a Battlestar Galactica episode. My heart soars like an angel of light to the whole Wilson family, and my prayers, delivered three times a day while dipping my testes in a vial of Lourdes water, are about them only, and about hoping that Owen makes it through these trying times and that Luke figures out a way to get his career out of stall. Terry Crews is really interested in revisiting his Idiocracy character; drop him a line. You guys had good chemistry.

Peace be with you.